For No One
by LovelyTomorrow
Summary: Two years after Edward left Forks, Bella has moved on. She goes to college, has new friends, and is happily in love with Jacob Black. Her new life will be turned on its head, though, when Edward returns, apologetic and proclaiming his undying love.
1. Oublier

Chapter One

AN: Hello, all. I haven't put up a story in quite a while, but I've been attacking this idea fervently lately, so I thought I would share it. Hope you enjoy!

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"You can't just switch sides like that," Jacob explained with the sort of glare he wore whenever sports became the topic of conversation.

Brian snorted. "You can if they're paying you better. Jake, you gotta understand. At the end of the day, this isn't personal. It's a job."

He shook his head and shoved another nacho into his mouth. "No, man." He swallowed. "I don't buy that. People are people. And Derek Williams may be a great ballplayer, but he's still a person first. And that's messed up."

Kelsey contemplated her soup and sighed loudly. "Honestly, it's like another language. An unimportant, inconsequential, silly language. Can't we talk about something more worthwhile?"

I smiled at Jake and Brian's offended faces. "I think that's doable. What can we all talk about?"

Rachael perked up, "We read this really interesting article in General Psych today about the Matching Hypothesis. Apparently, people perceive themselves at a certain level of attractiveness and will make themselves fall in love with someone who they feel is, like, at an even level."

Jake looked over at me with a playful smirk. I shook my head. "I feel like that's not true at all."

"Really?" Rachael took a bite of her barbeque chicken.

Kelsey laughed. "Well, yeah," she said. "Jake's clearly way hotter than you."

"Well, clearly." I smirked, looking over to him. "But I don't even mean that, exactly. I just—don't you always see these gorgeous people with these partners who are…you know…"

"Less than gorgeous?" Brian crossed his arms, pretending to be offended.

I laughed. "Obviously, not you. But, right? You guys have seen this, haven't you?"

"Right," Rachael nodded. "But that's just it. That's what makes it so interesting. Like, take this whole phenomenon of beautiful women with these sort of average Joes. It doesn't seem to make sense, right? But it's not how actually beautiful you are, it's how beautiful you see yourself. So, it really shows how, you know, hard women are on themselves. That they see themselves as attractive as these guys do, even though—in some cases—clearly not with the lovely gentlemen here, but the women are generally more attractive."

"Wow," Jacob leaned back in his chair. "That's deep."

Brian smiled. "Really insightful."

"You guys are creeps," Kelsey said half-heartedly.

Rachael shook her head. "I'm sorry, did I wound your egos? You poor things."

"Things," Jacob noted, nodding to Brian. "We're things now."

Brian shrugged. "God, the objectification in this room is unbearable."

"I feel so violated," Jacob added.

We had gathered in the apartment Rachael, Kelsey, and I shared just off campus. Jacob had a three-day weekend, so he'd come up to the Seattle University campus to visit. But as Tuesday morning loomed on the horizon, he would have to head home tonight. With a final crunch, Jacob let out a satisfied sigh and smiled over at me. "Well, I guess I should get going. It's getting kind of late. Billy will throw a fit if I get home after 11."

Brian laughed. "God, I forget you're still such a baby, Jake."

"Right?" I smiled over at him. "Seven feet tall, and yet."

"And yet," Jacob said, shrugging his massive shoulders. "I have to go face another week of high school."

"Ugh," Rachael said in sympathy.

I stood and grabbed his duffel bag, already by the door. Leaning over to him, I placed it in his lap and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll walk you out."

My friends chorused their goodbyes, and Jacob gave them a little wave before following me out into the building's stairwell. He took my hand, and we walked down the two flights of stairs to the ground floor. He pushed the main entrance's door open, and we both walked through into the chilly night air. When we got to the Rabbit, I looked up at him. "Drive safe."

"I always do," he assured me.

"I'm glad you could come down."

"Yeah, so am I," he agreed. "Your friends seem like good people."

"They are," I said. I leaned up as he leaned down to kiss me. We broke apart, and kept a hand on his cheek. "Call me when you get in, okay?"

He shrugged. "It'll probably be pretty late. Are you sure?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I'll be up anyway. I've got that French test tomorrow."

"Ah, _oui_," he said, smiling.

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Love you."

"You too, Bells," he said. "Talk to you soon."

"Bye." I let go of his hand, and he climbed into the driver's seat. He honked as he sped out of the parking lot as I watched him leave. I was going to be traveling back to Forks in three weeks for spring break and our two-year anniversary. We'd both agreed that we'd rather celebrate the milestone with quiet reflection—no presents, no corny greeting cards, no big deal—but we wanted to at least be together on the day.

"Bella, he's gorgeous!" Kelsey nearly pounced on me when I returned to our apartment.

Brian made a sort of disapproving grunt. "And on that note, I should go. See you in class, Rach." He got up from the small table in our miniature kitchen and moved to the door.

Kelsey stared at me. "Like. _Gor_geous."

"And he seems really sweet," Rachael added. "And funny."

"And gorgeous!" Kelsey reminded me. Her long, red hair was pulled up into a messy bun on the top of her head, and she wore an oversized hoodie that she got for five dollars at a thrift store. She was still picking at her food.

Rachael laughed. Her peach shaped face was framed with a blonde bob, coming to her chin. Her eyes shown a light hazel that matched the sweater she wore.

"Thanks, guys," I said, sitting back down at the table. "I'm glad you like him. He thinks you guys are pretty cool, too."

Kelsey shook her head. "God, who would've thought they grew guys like that out in Hicksville, USA."

I laughed. "Believe me, most of the guys in Forks look nothing like Jacob."

"Ugh," she said. "I need to stop eating. I've got mountains of homework. See you guys in the morning." She gave me an impressed smile and ascended the black, spiral staircase that led to our bedrooms.

Rachael automatically picked up Kelsey's half-cleared plate and dumped the rest of the food in the trash before starting to wash the dishes. We'd set up a chore chart at the beginning of the year, but Rachael always got to our chores before Kelsey or I had a chance. "Rach, stop," I urged her. "Let her clean it up. It's her night."

She shook her head, scrubbing the plate. "I like cleaning. It's cathartic."

"Weirdo," I joked. I tried to run the list of French verbs I needed to know through my head, citing each of their conjugations. There were a lot of blank spots in my memory. I had a lot of studying to do.

"Hey, Bella?" Rachael asked; her attention still focused on the dish.

"Yeah."

"This is probably stupid. I just want to make sure you're okay," she said quickly, never looking away from the sink.

"Okay?" I shrugged. "I'm great. Never better. Why?"

She placed the plate on the counter next to the sink. "I don't know." She grabbed Brian's plate. "It's just, when we were talking about that whole, levels of attraction thing…Kelsey made that crack about Jacob."

"That?" I laughed. "Rachael, that was nothing. He's prettier than me. I know that. It's fine."

"See, that's the thing," she said. "I don't like you thinking of yourself that way. You are incredibly beautiful, okay? And Jacob sees that. He's lucky to have you."

I shrugged. "Thanks, Rach. But really, I'm fine. I don't have any inferiority complexes with Jacob. I swear. We're all good."

She turned to grab another dish, and I could see she was blushing. "All right," she said. "Sorry, then. I guess I kind of fail at that whole perception thing."

"Huh," I said. "Well, don't worry about it. You want help with the dishes?"

"No, no," she insisted. "Go study for your test. I'll see you later."

"Okay," I said and trudged up the stairs to my bedroom. We were lucky enough to get an apartment with three single bedrooms. Usually they go to juniors or seniors, but we got our application in very early and were annoyingly persistent, asking about the apartment to the residence office. We planned on staying there for junior and senior year as well.

_He's lucky to have you_. Rachael's words echoed through my mind. I had never even considered the idea before—that I would feel inadequate when held up against _Jacob's_ beauty. It wasn't that he wasn't beautiful. Of course, he was just as gorgeous as Kelsey had said, but it would be impossible for any boy to measure up to the ideal beauty I'd seen.

No one at Seattle University knew about Edward Cullen. It wasn't as if I'd hid him, exactly, but no one had ever asked if there was someone before Jacob. Even to me, he seemed like a distant, passionate memory. I never heard his voice anymore on the very rare occasion that I did something stupid or reckless. It was getting harder and harder for my mind to sketch the planes of his face. Only his sharp, golden eyes were still crystal clear in my memory. They were almost impossible to forget.

I pulled out a notebook and a pen. I wrote:

_Oublier. J'oublie. Tu oublies. Il oublie. Nous oublions…_

_

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AN: Let me know what you think. There's a lot more already written, and I'm itching to post it, but I'd like to wait until I get some feedback. Thanks!

_ French: To forget. I forget, You forget, He forgets, We forget... _


	2. Inevitable

Chapter Two

AN: Here's the next one. Enjoy!

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"But isn't the ending inevitable?" Jack dared the class.

We all contemplated our Norton Anthologies. No one said anything.

"Are we surprised at the conclusion of the story? Did anyone think that the doctor would fail? That the girl would win in the end? That she'd keep her secret?"

I scanned through the words of William Carlos William's "The Use of Force" to find any hint of inevitability. A boy named Steven raised his hand, and Jack pointed to him. "I don't know. I didn't really think she was gonna get away with it. I mean, it's a weird thing I guess, because it really is for her own good, so I wanted the doctor to see her throat, you know?" The story told of a doctor prying open a little girl's mouth to check her throat for disease.

A girl named Sam said, "But he is way too physical with her, which makes me sympathize more with the little girl. I mean—she's got balls, you know? She's a stubborn little thing."

"Yes," Jack says, smiling. "But in the end, she has to give in. Were you satisfied with that?"

Silence.

"Was anyone left feeling disturbed in any way by the story?"

Small nods all around.

"Why?"

After a moment of blank stares around the room, I put my hand up. "I feel like there's something really disturbing about the way the doctor regards the little girl. It doesn't sound like a professional handling a child."

"Interesting," Jack said. "Why not?"

"He keeps remarking about her _beauty_, and it sort of seems like he's enjoying hurting her a little bit," I said.

"Ah," Jack said, nodding. "So then how does our shift in sympathy to the little girl affect the suspense of the story? How does it make you think she may prevail?"

A quiet boy in the corner whispered, "We want her to win, so we convince ourselves that it could happen."

"Good, Aaron," Jack encouraged. "Give me more."

"We want to believe that people who haven't done anything wrong will come out on top in the end, but usually it's the other way around."

"Nice guys finish last, right?" Jack nodded. My mouth tightened at that. I didn't like that proposition. "Well, we're almost out of time. Keep thinking about this stuff for Friday. I want to talk more about inevitability. What has to happen in a story? See you then."

At first, Charlie had not been overly thrilled that I was majoring in English, seeing as it left very few specific career opportunities, but by now he was just happy that I was enjoying myself. I would worry about the job market when it was time. In the back of my mind, I knew I would most likely end up getting my certification in teaching after graduation.

"Oh!" Jack pointed to me before I had an opportunity to leave the room. "Bella, could you hang out for a second? I need to talk to you."

"Sure," I said and shrugged. As the class filed out, Jack walked over to me. He was one of the younger professors I'd had. He wore a white button-down shirt with a brown blazer and jeans.

"So, I was wondering if you could do me a little favor," he said.

"Oh, okay."

"There's a perspective student coming in tomorrow. He's a really bright kid. Straight A's all through high school, and nice, too. I spoke with him on the phone."

"Great," I said, confused about what this had to do with me.

"Yeah. So, sometimes we let perspective students sort of shadow students as they go to class, to help them get a feel for the campus, etc."

"You want me to show him around?"

"Well, I wouldn't ask. Normally, people volunteer for things like this, but he says he knows you. He, sort of, requested you. You went to the same high school apparently."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "That's cool. I went to a really small high school. What's his name?"

"Edward," Jack said with perfect precision. "Edward Cullen." He stared. "Does that sound familiar?"

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AN: Review!! The next chapter's ready, so all you have to do is let me know you'd like to see it. Review! Review! Review!


	3. Impartial

Chapter Three

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"You have to tell Jacob."

"She doesn't _have to_ tell Jacob."

"Kelsey."

"It's not like she's hooking up with this guy. She's just showing him around campus. You can be friends with your ex, Bella. It's totally acceptable."

"Friends," I repeated numbly.

"Do they know each other?" Rachael asked.

"Uh," I estimated. "Not really. Not well. They know _of_ each other."

"And?" she pushed.

"And what?"

"And, you know, how do they feel about each other? I mean; you know the situation better than us. Would Jacob be cool with you being friends with this guy?"

_Uh, no._

"Are _you_ cool with it?" Kelsey held a hand up. "You seem pretty freaked by this. Do you want to see this guy?"

Well, there's a question.

"I don't—" Rachael crossed her arms. "So, you dated this guy in high school, right? But, he's only starting college now?"

I'd gotten much better at covering for supernatural activities with a werewolf boyfriend. "He took some time off before college. He was in the Peace Corps."

Kelsey nodded appreciatively. "Wow."

Rachael eyed me cautiously. "You don't still have feelings for this guy, do you, Bella?"

_Heh._

"No," I said, though it was clear that neither of them believed me.

"Okay, then," Kelsey leaned forward. "Well, that changes things."

"No, really," I swore. "It's not like that. Even if I was," I cringed, "Still a little bit interested, he's not. He has made that very clear."

"So he broke up with you," Kelsey guessed.

"Yeah," I said, remembering that event only in abstract, vague moments. "It was a tremendously one-sided decision."

"Ouch," Rachael said sympathetically.

"And then you started dating Jacob," Kelsey surmised.

"Well," I shrugged, "Yeah."

"Jacob, who loves you and wants to be with you and is practically perfect in every way," Rachael pointed out.

"Thanks, Rach, I don't think I was feeling guilty enough," I sighed.

Kelsey bit her lip. "I don't think there's anything for you to feel guilty about. So you might still have feelings for the guy. That's not the end of the world. Nothing's going to happen. You know what? I'll bet—you go see him, your head all-full of this idealized, perfect high-school guy—and he'll probably be all fat and hairy and whatever. I bet he's changed completely. Two years is a long time."

"Yeah," I said. "I don't think I should count on that." _Because, oh, did I not mention, he's a vampire. Like, a vampire. So, yeah, probably less fat and hair and more muscle and perfection, but whatever._

"What was his name?" Rachael asked.

"Edward." It was strange saying his name again. I had convinced myself it was a neutral grouping of syllables, but as it formed in my mouth, the images of him returned with a thundering boom in my mind, like a time bomb of memory just waiting for the right moment.

"Edward," Kelsey tried it. "_Ed_. Eddie. Okay, I can work with that."

"It's not," I worked to keep my voice even so as not to sound like an attack dog. "_Eddie_. It's _Edward_."

She smiled at that. "Uh oh, Isabella." I was clearly unsuccessful at that. "I'd work on the impartial tone before you go telling any of this to your boyfriend."

"Bella," Rachael muttered, shaking her head. "What are you going to do?"

"I really don't have the faintest idea," I told her.

"When are you supposed to meet him?"

"Tomorrow at noon." I was beginning to sweat as minutes ticked by, bringing me closer and closer to seeing him again.

"Maybe one of us should go with you," Rachael offered.

"Oh, come on," Kelsey said, shaking her head. "She doesn't need to be babysat. Bella can make her own decisions here, Rachael."

"Seriously," I told them. "I know nothing will happen. He's not interested. He could not be more uninterested. Really."

Rachael shook her head. "Then I don't understand why he would specifically ask to see you, Bella. That doesn't seem a little bit weird to you? I mean; if I was trying to avoid an ex, I think going to her school and asking to spend the day with her would be really low on my list of fun things to do."

"No," I swore. "You've got it wrong. There's no way."

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AN: Review! Tell me what you think so far! I've got up to the ninth chapter ready to go, so let me know that there are people out there who want to read it, and I'll post!


	4. Untouched

Chapter Four

AN: Well, here he is, folks! Enjoy!

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I was half convinced that some unseen magical force had brought me to the campus pub at noon the next day. I did not remember making a decision about whether to go. I did not recall telling Rachael and Kelsey that I wasn't worried about it. I did not think twice about not calling Jacob. It all just happened. And, in an instant, the dreadful hour was here.

My heart was _kerplunking_ like the engine of a ship, making my pulse race and my cheeks flush. I caught a look at myself in the reflective surface of the ceiling lights in the pub and tried to smooth my hair out. I felt vaguely like a squirrel on acid and didn't look much better. This was going to be miserable. Positively miserable.

I checked my watch. _12:02._ Was it possible he was late? Or even better, not coming? I stole a quick glace around the room, not looking too closely, not really wanting to find anything, and considered bailing out of this whole ordeal.

"Bella."

He was smiling. Really smiling. Big and wide and friendly. With teeth.

"Hi," I was able to whisper.

As I had expected, Kelsey's idea that I would be underwhelmed with Edward's physical appearance was dramatically untrue. He was like the sun after years of rain, even one ray would have been enough, but to get the whole thing all at once was like a miracle. His face was the same—so much the same—with the striking golden eyes and cool, smooth skin coupled with the windblown hair and long, thick neck.

He wore jeans and a gray sweater with a backpack slung over his shoulder: simple, but definitely expensive items. A pang of longing shot through me as I thought of Alice. "Hi," he echoed my sentiment.

I could only breathe.

"We should sit down," he recommended. His long fingers indicated a nearby table and my body all but fell into a chair, as I watched him glide smoothly to a sitting position. He watched me for a few seconds, as I stared at him. He gave a little smile. "Well. There's so much to discuss."

"You're not," I said, "Here to see the campus."

He seemed surprised. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'd love to. Were you looking forward to showing it? I've never been here before. We could do that."

I furrowed my brow. "What are you doing?"

He pursed his lips then smiled. "I'm sorry?"

"What are you doing? Why are you ? I'm just," I struggled for words. For air. For logic. "I'm confused. I thought…" _I thought you wanted nothing to do with me. I thought I was never allowed to see you again. I thought I was supposed to think you never existed._

"Bella," he said. "I'm terribly sorry. There's so much I have to explain to you. I-I've realized something incredible."

I just stared.

He chuckled. "Funny, I thought you would be entirely different. I suppose one overestimates change without the experience of it."

"I am different," I insisted.

"Oh, surely," he agreed, indicating the pub. "I didn't mean to insinuate that you haven't grown—matured—undoubtedly, you've taken serious steps to adulthood. But—you—the essence of you—this skin, these eyes, this temper." He sighed. "They are untouched."

My heart pounded loudly. "I'm still not getting what you're doing here."

"I'm sorry," he said. "So sorry, for a million things. I thought it would be obvious. I'm here to see you."

"Why?"

Cautiously, he reached out one of his ice-cold hands and took one of my small warm ones. I jolted the slightest bit at the cold. I had become so used to heat. "Because, dearest Bella, I am unfalteringly, unquestioningly in love with you."

_Oh._

_

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	5. We

Chapter Five

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"No."

This was becoming my personal philosophy.

"Please, Bella," Edward pleaded, following me as I tried in vain to get away from him. "Just let me explain. Please."

"No," I said automatically, pushing past a group of guys standing in the middle of the walkway. It was a long trip back to the apartment on foot, one I'd made in the snow and the rain many times to get to and from classes. It had never seemed endless, though, until this moment.

"I understand that you're confused," he said, keeping up with me without an ounce of trouble. "And probably upset. That's fair. I've been terrible and inconsiderate." He got stares from almost every female we passed. Like almost everyday in Seattle, the sky was entirely made up of dark clouds. There was no sunny patch I could escape to.

"No."

"Bella," he said, placing a hand on my shoulder and stopping my forward movement. "Please, just give me a minute to explain. After that, if you're still sure, I'll…well, then I'll have to accept that, I suppose."

"No," I said.

He smiled. "Really? You can't spare a minute?"

"No."

"The stubbornness," he noted, "You've kept that as well."

"Let go of me," I demanded.

"Am I hurting you?" he asked, concerned, and released my shoulder.

I shook my head. "Go. Away." I turned on my heel and started moving towards the apartment again.

He caught up with me in an instant. "Well, see, I'm trying very hard not to repeat my previous mistakes. So, with apologies, I cannot—_go_ _away_."

Tears stung my eyes, surprising me, and I blinked them away quickly. It wasn't fast enough; he gave me a sympathetic smile. "I don't understand? Since when is—what happened—a mistake? I thought—"

"I know what you thought. I told you to think it," he said. "But Bella," he shook his head, angry, "You have to know how—untrue—everything I said that day was. It was…I thought it would be best for you if I wasn't a part of your life, and that's probably still true. It probably would be better for you, but I'm not going to decide what's best for you anymore. That's not my place."

"It never was," I agreed.

"Well, yes, everyone else seems to have known that for a while," he said.

"What did you mean: untrue?" I asked cautiously. He was inviting in thoughts that I had banished to the furthest corners of my mind; fantasies of him, here again, with me again, us in love again. Bad thoughts.

"The greatest lie I ever told was that I didn't want you—that you weren't good for me," he laughed as if it were at all funny, "You are, unequivocally, the _best_ thing for me."

"Stop it," I whispered.

"Please, Bella, don't be upset," he crooned. "There's so much more to tell you. Is there somewhere else we could go? This is a little," he glanced around, noting all the other people, "Exposed."

"My roommates are out," I said, choking on the desperation coating my voice. The thought of bringing him into the same apartment Jacob had been in a few days ago made my stomach flip; and yet, part of me could not resist the idea of him, standing like a marble god in my tiny, cluttered bedroom. I could see him leafing through the art history textbook, currently open on my desk. The image felt comforting, correct.

He smiled. "Where do you live?"

"We have a Murphy apartment near the edge of campus," I said, feeling strange talking about Seattle University to Edward Cullen. There were two different worlds—two different Bellas—two different lives.

Edward seemed excited as he indicated that I lead the way. "We?"

"Uh, yeah," I said. "Me and my roommates, Kelsey and Rachael."

"Do you get along with them?"

This was too strange. "Yeah. They're my—I mean, we picked to live together."

He nodded. "You met them last year, then?"

"Yeah, Rachael was in a class with me, and Kelsey," I stopped and thought. "Well, Kelsey threw up on me."

He smiled. "Charming."

"Yeah." I laughed. "At a party. So Rachael and I took her to the bathroom, and she kept apologizing and crying. And she took us out to breakfast the next day to thank us, and…" I shrugged.

"And the rest is history," he finished.

"Yeah, pretty much," I said.

"What class?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"What class was Rachael in with you?" he clarified. It felt vaguely like the first few days we'd known each other, when he would spend the day grilling me for information, and whenever I reciprocated, I got veiled, unspecific answers.

"Definitions of Normality," I told him. "It's a sociology course. That's her major."

Edward narrowed his eyes at me. "And yours is…English?"

I sighed and crossed my arms. "Open book."

He laughed. "Not at all," he assured me. "You're endlessly surprising."

"Sure, sure," I nodded along, my breath catching at Jacob's words coming through me, so without thought, so much a part of me that I barely even noticed.

Edward shrugged. "Honestly. I was surprised to find you at a school this cold and wet and far from Renee. I assumed you would go closer to Jacksonville."

"I wanted to stay close to Charlie," I said. _And Jacob. My long-term boyfriend. Who's a werewolf._

"Seattle's still a long way from Forks," he remarked.

"Yeah, well, I didn't want to be too close," I said. "Three hours isn't bad. I can get home quickly if I need to, but it's far enough to discourage surprise visits from Charlie."

"Do you drive here in the truck?" he asked, his judgment and concern evident in his tone.

I smiled at the familiar argument. "You're such a bully to that poor truck."

"There's no way that ancient relic can make it here and back," he insisted.

I shook my head. "Mean."

"Does it?" he insisted.

I sighed. "Unfortunately, the truck saw it's last days a month or so after graduation."

"Ah," he said, smug.

"We had a funeral for it," I told him.

"I'm sure," he chuckled, "It lived a long life." Silence fell between us, and it struck me that I was speaking to Edward Cullen, being friendly with Edward Cullen, joking, laughing, having fun with Edward Cullen. We were almost at the apartment. My mind was swimming with millions of scenarios. What was I doing? What was _he_ doing? What was the plan here? "Who's we?" he asked, pulling me out of my train of thought.

I shook my head. "What?"

"You said, 'We' again," he told me, "I was just wondering who else was at the funeral."

"Oh," I said, "It was just, uh, me…"

"…And?" he asked, confused about my resistance.

"And Jacob."

He paused, trying to remember a Jacob. With a jolt, he remembered. "Jacob Black?"

_Please, don't know. Please, don't know._

"Yeah, Jacob Black."

"You're friends?" he asked.

"Uh," I panicked, "What about you? My life's been pretty standard. I'm sure you've got more exciting stories. How's the family?" I rambled. "How's Carlisle? And Alice?" These names I never thought I would utter again.

"Everyone's doing well," he said, suspiciously. "Are you all right, Bella?"

"Well, here we are," I announced as we finally approached the building. "Let's head upstairs."

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	6. Feet

Chapter Six

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"It smells terrible in here."

I smirked a bit at the bluntness of that. I'd never heard Edward be so forthcoming with complaints. "Sorry," I shrugged, "We weren't expecting company. I guess it's sort of a mess."

"No," he shook his head and glared around the apartment. "It's not that. It…it smells like a wet dog."

"Weird," I said, my face bursting at the seams with nervous sweat.

"Bella."

"Edward."

"Has Jacob Black been here?" he asked, but his eyes screamed another question, a more serious question.

"He…Jacob…" I sputtered, "Yes, he's been here." _Because he's my BOYFRIEND._ My mind was livid with my mouth for refusing Edward this information.

"Bella," Edward's face got very serious, "There's a possibility that your friend is…. well, something very dangerous."

_Friend._ "Oh, well, yeah," I shrugged, "You mean the werewolf thing? Yeah, I-I've known about that for a while."

"You _know_?" he shook his head.

"Of course I know," I shrugged, "Everyone tells me their secrets. I'm special," I joked. He just glared; apparently the awkward friendly banter was over. "It's not a big deal," I told him, "It's been two years. I'm pretty much used to it by now."

He paused for what felt like a long time, and I prayed he wouldn't ask more about Jacob. Then, as if someone had just told him a very funny joke, his mouth turned up, and he started chuckling outright.

"Uh, Edward?"

"I'm sorry," he said, still laughing. "It's just remarkable! You get rid of all the vampires in your life—"

"I didn't _get_ _rid_ of—"

"And you find yourself some other friends who could easily kill you! It is absolutely amazing. _You_ are absolutely amazing." He shook his head. "Honestly, this is a superhuman skill, sniffing out the worst possible people to be around."

"I'm glad I amuse you," I grumbled.

"Oh," he smiled. "I'm sorry if I've offended you. It's just—what are the odds?"

"In Forks? They seem to be pretty good," I reminded him.

"That's true, I suppose, but what are the chances that you would be singled out by both camps? It's like you're destined to be…" He left the words hang in the air. I wondered what he was thinking. _Immortal? Killed? Mauled or bitten or dead too soon? _"Well, this makes me feel better."

"Jacob makes you feel better?" I had a feeling the sentiment would not be reciprocal.

He shook his head. "Knowing that even without me, you're still not totally normal." He smiled. "That's nice to know."

"I thought you wanted me to be normal," I said.

"Yes," he agreed. "And if you had been normal, it would be harder for me to convince myself that I'm not wrong in loving you."

"Well, there you go, saying _that_ again," I blushed and closed my eyes, "Is this when you tell me what's caused this revelation?"

"I suppose," he agreed. "Let's sit." We sat on the lumpy, old couch the school had supplied, each on the furthest end from each other. "Well, to begin, you should know, for a while I was away from the family. I was living on my own, rather distraught."

"Imagine that," I said, unsympathetic.

"Yes, I guess you had a similar experience at first. But then, in the fall, when you were beginning your first semester, Carlisle came and found me. He talked to me for a while—days—as I sat and half listened. But he persuaded me to come home if only for Esme, and I was to attend Cornell's Medical School." He shrugged. "It had been a while since Carlisle had had an opportunity to update his expertise, but Rosalie had a different idea. She thought it might be more fulfilling if we came with Carlisle to the hospital and worked as interns. Obviously, this was a big step for both of us. We would be around human blood often—every day. It would be a huge test of our control, but Rosalie was confident, and we checked in with Alice frequently. She always insisted that we would do fine. And so, Rose and I started working as medical interns after a century of learning the medical profession.

"And I was—well, I wasn't happy—but I was content. I figured I could fill the hole left in me with good deeds. I thought, maybe helping people live would be enough to make my life worth living. And it seemed to be working. Everyone kept remarking how different I seemed, and I began to believe my own lie—the part about how I would move on and distract myself. And, of course, it was nothing compared to the joy you bring me, but I was pleased with myself. I was no longer helping the human race by not killing them, but I was taking an extra step in helping to keep them alive.

"As an intern, I don't have a lot of responsibility, but I am, very often, the person who is there for the patient, which is a factor of medicine I had never experienced before. I tell them about their procedures, about their life expectancies, about their complications. Very often, it falls to me to tell patients that they are going to die."

I narrowed my eyes and curled in tight against myself on the couch. It was odd picturing Edward wearing scrubs, working side by side with Carlisle in a hospital, but, in a way, it felt absolutely right. I bit the inside of my lip to prevent me from smiling at the pride I felt for him. Conquering his thirst for human blood could not have been an easy feat. It was pretty amazing.

"So, this has been my life for the past year and a half or so. And then, some weeks ago, a young man was admitted with severe frostbite and hypothermia. He had been hiking on Doll Hill Summit, and he got lost—was up there for nearly four days. Anyway, it was him, his wife, and their five year old son in the room, and I was to tell them that we would have to amputate his feet."

"Oh, God," I shuddered.

"Yes, it was very unfortunate," he said. "And, of course, when I explained it to them, both he and his wife started crying, weeping. His wife yelled at me, striking out, finding someone to blame. Their son got very scared and began to cry as well. Now, my job was to inform them and to get the patient, the husband, to consent to surgery—the surgery that would remove his feet.

"Of course, my particular talents are rather helpful in this juncture. I can easily see what the patient wants to hear—what will comfort them. But when I looked into this man's mind to see what he'd like for me to say, I found nothing. There was no comfort for him. There was no hope. It was strange, seeing as I've talked with patients facing death who only wanted to be told that we would let them go with as much grace and dignity possible, but this man, loosing his feet, was completely gone.

"It bothered me for a while. Even after I got the man's signature, and his feet were removed, I still could not fathom his incredible sorrow. And as I took on more patients with varying degrees of injury, I found no one like that man. Rosalie insisted I was being melodramatic—that I was too involved with this patient, and perhaps I was, but I spoke with Alice about it not very long ago." I smiled at the mention of Alice's name, and I found myself eager to see her again, my once future sister. Edward smiled, too. "She's missed you. And she asked me to tell you that she's only avoided you because I asked her to. She never thought my decision to leave was a good one."

I pulled my arms in, hugging knees to my chest. "I miss her, too."

"She'll be happy to hear that," he assured me.

I shrugged. "Go ahead. You talked to Alice."

"Yes, thank you," he said. "I spoke to her about his man, and how frustrated he'd made me. And, well, she had an answer for it in a moment, of course."

"Of course," I echoed.

"She insisted that my feelings towards this man were really feelings I was having towards myself. She said I had lost a part of me, too, and that now I had no hope." He looked at me for a hard moment, and I suppressed the desire to stroke the side of his face to comfort him. "The only difference between us being the necessity of the separation."

My voice was a mere whisper. "You didn't have to give up your feet."

"No," he whispered as well. "Though I thought I did."

I shook my head. "I still don't understand what changed."

"Well, my frustration shifted instantaneously to myself. Me, wallowing alone for the rest of eternity with no choice but to be miserable or have myself killed; is there anyone more pathetic? And the easy answer, I suppose, would be to just be happy. That's what Rosalie suggested. To, in her words, 'get over it.' But, there was no possibility of that. I simply could not get over the loss of, well; forgive the comparison, my feet. My life would never be the same. It would be forever less fulfilling, less whole. And, as Alice pointed out, I was removing my feet based on a hypothesis, which is just lazy science. Bad medicine," he joked.

"You thought I would be better off without you?" I pondered whether I was.

"Oh, I knew you would be. Or, I thought I did. And it took a lot of time and convincing for me to realize something else, something that I hope you agree with," he said cautiously.

"About me?"

"About you. And," he smiled, "_Your_ feet."

"Oh," I sighed.

"And whether or not they're as essential to you as mine are to me," he said, squinting a bit as the metaphor extended too far. "Whether or not," he braced himself, "you still love me."

"Edward," I said, feeling the coolness of his breath on my face as his velvet voice floated around me.

"Because I need you. You're a part of me that I'm not willing to loose. And I'm hoping that I'm a part of you that you aren't willing to loose," he said.

I could see it all happening. Me, admitting to the love that never really left, and him, exuberant, taking me back into the world I thought was lost to me forever—the world where I could love and be loved for eternity, without all the falsities and trials that came with youth and its traps. I could see me kissing him and holding him close and letting him depend on me like I always wished he would.

But I could also see Jacob at home in La Push, in school, waiting for me to come back in two weeks to celebrate everything that had happened while Edward had been elsewhere—everything that Edward was unaware of, that he had to be told about. There was an incredible pull in my chest that forced my lungs to constrict and made my heart ache. It was all too impossible. Too good and too terrible.

"So then," Edward said. "Do you, Bella? Do you love me?"


	7. The Gentlemanly Thing

Chapter Seven

* * *

"It's not that simple," I breathed, gasping for air and begging my eyes not to shed any tears.

"No." Edward half smiled. "No, I wouldn't call it simple. Not at all. I'm sorry if I've been too brash. If you'd like some time to consider everything…I know it's a lot to take in."

"Yeah," I said, feeling sweaty and sick to my stomach, "I can't…I mean, I should…" He had to know about Jacob. It was incredibly unfair to both of them not to mention our relationship. And yet, the words were so hard. In the deepest pit of my stomach, I was afraid to tell him, worried that if he knew I had moved on he would do the gentlemanly thing and leave me alone. My innards were twisted with anxiety at that possibility. I did not want him to leave again. I could not bear it if he left again. "Are you living here?"

"I have a room at the Hilton," he said. "I wasn't sure you would want me around. Alice couldn't pin you down. They're waiting for my phone call. Do you—would you like for me to live here?"

"I don't know," I said quickly. "I'm sorry. There's just—there's just a lot—"

Two quick knocks on the door made both of our heads snap away from the discussion. "Bells?" Kelsey asked from the hallway. "Are you in there? I forgot my key."

Edward smiled and looked at me. "She didn't forget her key."

I groaned at what Kelsey might be thinking we were doing to lie about her ability to enter the apartment. "It's not locked, Kels. Come on in."

"Oh," she said, sounding surprised and the tiniest bit disappointed, and opened the door. Her eyes found Edward in a second, and he smirked as they went wide before she composed herself. "Hi, there." She moved over to the couch and held a hand out to Edward. "I'm Kelsey. You're a friend of Bella's?"

As if she didn't know.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Kelsey," he shook her hand quickly, not lingering long enough for her to focus too much on his hand's icy temperature. "I'm Edward, an old friend of Bella's. From high school."

"Oh, right," she shrugged, "I think I remember Bella telling us you were visiting. How'd you like the campus?"

"Oh, it's beautiful," he said, ever the convincing liar. "The architecture is incredible. That library—what was it called?" he looked to me, making me an accomplice to the lie.

"Uh, the Lemieux?" There was really only one library on campus.

"Yes, the Lemieux," he smiled at me. "That was incredible."

"Huh," Kelsey said and sat in the armchair closest to Edward's side of the couch. "So do you think you're going to come here next year?"

He sighed. "Well, I'm not exactly sure yet. There are a lot of factors to consider."

"Hmm," she hummed, nodding slowly at me, her attraction clear without the benefit of reading her thoughts. I could only imagine what Edward was enduring. "So, has Bella changed at all since high school? She barely tells us anything about it."

He smiled. "In some ways. In others," he looked over at me, "Not at all."

"Where's Rachel?" I asked suddenly, not wanting Kelsey to ask too much about Edward and I in high school. "I thought her class ended when yours did."

"It does," Kelsey said, laughing a bit at my obvious discomfort. "She'll be here soon. We should get lunch. Edward," she turned to him, "Have you tried the food here? You should join us."

"No!" I said, too forcefully. Kelsey bit her lip, holding back her laughter. Edward kept his expression neutral, a perfect poker face. "That's okay. Edward—he doesn't like to—I mean, he's got these—"

"I'd love to," he said, and my eyes shot to his in a panicked confusion.

"You'd love to?" I whispered.

"If that's all right with you," he said.

"I mean—it's—if it's all right with _you_, it's all right with me," I said.

"Well, great then," Kelsey said. "I'll text Rachel. We can meet her at the dining hall. You're in for a real treat, Edward. Get ready for some five-star cuisine." She moved to the bottom of the staircase. "I'll be right back."

As soon as she was upstairs, I turned to Edward. "What are you doing?"

"I'd like to get to know your friends," he answered, shrugging. "I thought it might be fun, but if you want me to leave, I'll leave. Just say the word."

"Edward, you don't eat," I reminded him.

"Not usually, no," he said. "But I'm completely capable of it, and I don't mind the discomfort if it means more time with you."

My face flushed, and Kelsey came back downstairs, her phone in her palm. "She's meeting us there. You guys ready?"

"Sure," I groaned as Edward and I stood.

"Lead the way," Edward said to Kelsey and opened the front door for her. She gave me a mischievous smile and walked through.

"Sorry about her," I said quietly. "Rachel will be better behaved."

He smiled, "After you," and gestured for me to walk through the threshold.

* * *

Hey, so I polled all the cool kids. And they're all reviewing. Just so you know.


	8. Serious

Chapter Eight

* * *

"I was adopted, actually."

"Oh. Seriously?" Kelsey sighed over now empty plate. She'd made some crack about Edward's good breeding. My face was bright red.

Edward gave me a quick half smile before returning to his story. "Seriously."

"What happened to your parents?" she asked.

"Kelsey," I reprimanded quietly.

"No, it's all right," Edward said. "They died a long time ago. I don't really remember them all that well."

Rachel was sitting quietly at Kelsey's side, picking at her leftover food and glaring at me. She had not looked too pleased when we showed up with Edward and had not said more than two words to him for the entire meal. I was hoping Edward had been too distracted to be looking into her thoughts, which were undoubtedly filled with Jacob. Edward's demeanor did not seem to change, but he was such a master at creating a façade or normalcy, it was hard to tell. "That's incredible," Kelsey was saying. "You've gone through so much tragedy and yet you still give back to others."

Edward looked to me with the slightest hint of confusion. "Hm, yes," I nodded, "I told them about how you took some time off after high school to join the Peace Corps."

"Ah, yes," he said, looking amused. "It was very rewarding work. I recommend it."

"Where did you go?" Kelsey asked.

"Gulu, Uganda," he said in an instant. "We worked at a school there. We read and played with the kids there, helped them with their studies in any way we could."

"Wow," Kelsey said.

"I've read about Gulu," Rachel said, looking directly at Edward for the first time since we'd sat down. "In high school, we tried to raise enough money to build a clean water pump there."

Edward smiled appreciatively. "That's fantastic. You don't realize how much we all take water for granted until you've been in a place where there isn't any."

"Yeah," she said, obviously disliking that she shared empathy with my indiscretion. "We didn't actually raise enough, but we got pretty close. They needed something like $3,000 dollars."

Edward nodded. "Every little bit helps. Especially in places like Gulu."

"I guess," she said, looking at me. I gave her a little smile.

"So, Bella told me you're a Sociology major, Rachel. That sounds interesting," Edward said.

"Yeah," she answered. "It's pretty cool."

"What made you decide on Sociology?"

"I don't know," she said. "I mean, I find psychology really interesting, too, but I've always been fascinated with the big picture of things, so I guess it felt like the right path."

"Yeah," Kelsey said. "And all the cool classes are in Sociology. Like, what was that class called? Sex and something?"

"Sex and Power, yeah," Rachel nodded, "It's all about the cultural trend of using sex as a weapon and, you know, a political tool. Yeah, that's a cool class."

Edward nodded. "It sounds it."

"And Youth and Youth Culture," I reminded her.

"Yeah, that's a good one, too. It's all about teen mentality and cliché formations as coping mechanisms and stuff."

"And I'm stuck with Integrated Marketing Communication," Kelsey groaned.

"What's your major?" Edward asked.

"Business," she sighed.

"Well, that's practical," he said.

"Yes, practical. And mind-numbingly boring," she said. "I may switch out to something more exciting. Like Philosophy. Or English."

I shook my head. "Kelsey, you can barely finish reading the backs of cereal boxes."

We all laughed lightly, and Kelsey narrowed her eyes at me playfully, "Okay, maybe not. But you know what I can read? Ice cream flavors. Anyone up for ice cream?"

I nervously scanned Edward's clean plate. If I hadn't known any better, I would have thought he had enjoyed every bite. "Oh, no, not for me. I'm stuffed."

Edward looked gratefully over at me. "Agreed."

"I'll go with you, Kels," Rachel shrugged, and they both got up to go get ice cream.

"Are you okay?" I asked when they were out of earshot.

He swallowed hard. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He paused and looked at me. "Bella?"

My eyes drifted to the table. "Yeah?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

My heart sank, and the chill of dread ran through me. "Tell you what?"

"About Jacob Black," his voice remained even.

"I did," I squeaked out. He stayed silent, and I felt like I was about to cry. "I'm sorry. I meant to tell you, I just—"

"That looks delicious," Edward smiled up at Kelsey and Rachel as they returned and sat down. I looked away quickly and took a deep breath. "Unfortunately, though, I should be going. My parents are expecting me."

I shot him a look. "You're leaving? Right _now_?"

He gave me a tight smile. "I really should. I don't want to take up any more of your time."

"Edward," I said, almost scolding.

"Well, it was really nice meeting you," Kelsey said. "If you have any questions about the campus or anything, I'd be happy to answer them."

"Thank you, Kelsey. It was nice meeting you, too. And Rachel. Nice meeting you," he said cordially.

"You too," Rachel muttered.

He stood, and I watched him. "So to get out of here, I just turn left and go through the double doors, right?"

"And that should bring you to the main walkway, yeah," Kelsey said. "Do you know where you parked?"

"I can show him," I said, nearly hysterically clinging onto my time with Edward. "I'll walk you out, Edward. After all, what kind of tour guide would I be if I just let you fend for yourself?"

Rachel shrugged. "It's really pretty easy. I'm sure he could figure it out."

"No, really," I stood next to Edward. "I insist. See you guys later." Edward and I took our plates, and he followed me to the conveyor belt that took them back into the kitchen to be cleaned. We were outside before either of us said anything. "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you."

"Yes," he said. "It certainly complicates things. Is it serious?"

I considered lying but knew I would blush through it. "Yes. It's serious. Our two year anniversary is in two weeks."

"Two years," he echoed.

"It was—hard," I gulped. "After you left. I was incapable of—anything—everything—and Jacob helped me. And he loved me. And I didn't have a reason to say no."

"He loves you," he noted.

"He does," I said, bracing myself for the inevitable follow-up question.

"And you? After two years? Is it safe to assume you love him as well?" his tone was unbearably calm.

"Edward," I sighed.

"That's fair," he said, taking that as an affirmative. "That was what I hoped for you. To move on, to live your life."

"No, Edward," I said desperately. "I mean, yes, I love him. I—I can't hurt him. I can't, but…I never…I could never forget. Not really. I guess I convinced myself I could, and I really tried, but I never—" I felt years of anguish slip from my shoulders in an instant. "I never stopped loving you, Edward. Not for a second."

And then there was no thought. There was no intelligent analysis of ethics. There was no intentional behavior as I leaned up against him and kissed his ice-cold lips.

* * *

... review?


	9. Transgression

Chapter Nine

* * *

"Bella," he breathed when a gust of wind hit us and specks of rain began to spit from the sky. "Stop," he gently pushed me back at arm's length. "Are you sure?"

I felt like crying. Now the transgression was real. Now pain was inevitable. Jacob's pain, Edward's pain, and my own. I'd made a mess. "No," I sighed against him. "Not really."

"I should go," he said.

"Go?" my voice broke with fear and desperation.

"Yes," he said. "Just back to the hotel. I think," he nodded, "you need some time to think about what you'd like to do."

"Okay," I said, my voice small.

"Here," he took my hand in his and pulled a pen from a pocket inside his blazer. "This is my number at the hotel. I won't be far." The pen was cold on my skin as he printed his telephone number on my palm. "Call me for anything," the tiniest smirk, "Day or night."

"Edward," I sighed.

"Bella?"

"Promise me you won't disappear again," I whispered, as if Jacob had planted spies around campus who might hear this and report it to him.

His eyes narrowed with pain, and he placed a cool hand on the side of my face. "Not unless you order me away," he promised.

We stood for a moment like that, him cradling my cheek as people passed us on their way to class. Finally, I brought my hand up to his and pulled it away. "I'll talk to you soon," I said, giving his hand a tiny squeeze.

He nodded quietly, squeezing my hand back. With trepidation, he leaned forward and kissed my forehead before repeating, "Soon," and releasing my hand as he walked away towards the parking lot. Part of me wanted to run after him, if only for the chance to see the Volvo again, but I held my ground. I owed Jacob at least that much.

I wallowed through the rest of my Thursday, skillfully dodging both my roommates for fear of their reactions to Edward and giving minimal effort in all my classes. I was in a daze of uncertainty all day. By dinnertime, my eyes had all but glazed over as I sat on the couch and tried to get my mind to focus on the television. I didn't even hear Rachel approach me and sit on the opposite end of the couch. "Just call Jacob," she said bluntly. "The sooner you do, the less it will hurt."

I blinked a few times.

"I mean, I don't know," she shrugged, "I'm assuming the other one's not going anywhere."

I just stared.

"And I don't want to judge you, Bella. You're, like, my best friend. But…I hate it when nice people get screwed over. It's not right."

"I know," I said.

"So just call Jacob and let him know that it's over—"

"Over?" I choked on the concept. "It's not _over_ with me and Jacob, Rachel."

"Bella," she said, doubtful.

"I love Jacob," I said.

She sighed. "Did you do anything with Edward today, Bella?"

One small lie. "No. We just talked. I told him I'm with Jacob," I said.

"And that you want to stay with Jacob?" she encouraged.

"I told him that I couldn't hurt Jacob." I nodded.

"And he's cool with that?"

I sighed.

"Oh, Bella," she shook her head, "Please call your boyfriend. Just tell him that you've been talking with Edward, okay? Don't keep secrets. He's going to find out sooner or later. So just tell him now. Okay?"

I sucked in a breath. "I don't want to hurt him, Rachel."

She nodded. "Then don't hurt him." She leaned over and picked up my cell phone from the coffee table. Charlie had bought it for me when I'd decided to come to Seattle. It wasn't anything fancy. There was no texting, just normal phone calls. I stared as she held it out to me. "Do you want me to stay here with you?" she offered.

"No, that's okay," I said. _Especially since certain words like _vampire_ and _sworn enemy_ were likely to come up_. "Thanks, Rach."

She put a hand on my shoulder. "I'll be upstairs if you need me, okay?"

"Yeah," I said, and she nodded and left me to my chore. Jacob was number three on my speed dial, second only to Renee and Charlie.

It felt like an hour passed as I listened to the dial tone until Billy finally picked up. "Hello."

"Hey, Billy. It's, uh, me," I said sheepishly. "Is Jake there?"

"Sure is, hold on just a sec, Bella," he told me.

I was chewing off my lip when I heard Jacob breathe into the phone, "Hey, you."

"Hey," my voice raised an octave.

He laughed at the overly enthusiastic greeting. "What's up, Bells?"

"I, um, not much. What's up with you?" _Damn it._

"Eh, we're pretty boring over here. Sam's got us doing this weird training ritual that's sort of a pain, but whatever," he said. "And I am incredibly over school."

"Oh," I mumbled. "Well, that's okay. You've only got, like, three months left, right?"

"Ugh," he groaned. "Feels like forever."

_Forever._

"Heh," I bit my lip, "Uh, Jake? I, uh, well, I need to tell you something."

"Uh oh," he chuckled, "Should I be worried?"

"No!" I assured him. "Not at all. Don't worry about a thing. Everything's fine; I just—you need to know something. Okay?"

"Sure, Bella. What's up?"

"Um, okay. Don't be mad, okay?"

He paused. "Bella?"

"Like, nothing's wrong. Remember that."

"You're freaking me out, Bells. What's going on?"

"Well, I, um, an old _acquaintance_ of mine came to campus today, and I, uh, met with—" cough "—him, and we had lunch, and Rachel thought I should tell you about it."

"Him?" Jacob just sounded confused. "Is he, like, a friend of your from Phoenix? Or, what's his name, that Mike Newton kid?"

"No."

"Well, whatever. You can hang out with whoever you want. You know that. I don't—why would Rachel want you to tell me?" he asked.

"Uh," I closed my eyes. Just do it. Rip off the band-aid. Don't lie. "Because." It's the right thing to do. "Because he's Edward Cullen."

Silence.

I brought my free hand to my forehead. "Jake?"

Nothing.

"Jake? Are you still there?"

"Edward Cullen," he said, his voice lower and harsher than I'd ever heard it.

My throat was coated with fear. "It's not a big deal, Jacob. Nothing happened."

"Nothing happened," he said, a biting laugh curling the edges of his words. "The filthy, blood-sucking leech who ripped you into pieces rolls into town, and you want me to believe that nothing happened."

"Nothing. Happened," I repeated. "We talked. That's all."

"You talked to him!"

"He wanted to talk to me, Jake. What was I supposed to do?"

"You're supposed to say, 'Yeah, you know, as much fun as I'm sure that would be, I've moved on with my life and have no interest in talking to you!'"

"Jacob, calm down."

"He's dangerous, Bella."

I sighed. "He's not. He's—he's been working as an intern in a hospital, surrounded by blood all the time, and he's fine—"

"Well, how nice for him."

"Please, Jacob. Stop it. You're overreacting."

"I'm overreacting! Bella, I saw what that thing did to you! I was the one who had to put you back together! To clean up his mess!"

I paused. "Well then. All right. I'm sorry being there for me was such a chore for you. I won't _inconvenience_ you, again."

"No, stop it. That's not what I meant."

"Goodnight, Jacob."

"Bella, stop—"

I hung up.

* * *

...and then you reviewed....


	10. Hach

Chapter Ten

AN: Hey all. Thanks for all the reviews! They're a lot of fun to read. Just so you know, I don't really lean either way in the whole Jacob/Edward debate, so I will not be really easy or really hard on either of them in this story. I really try and stay balanced and write what feels true to the characters. Here the next one! Enjoy!

* * *

"Who the hell does he think he is?!"

Kelsey's eyes went wide, and she looked over to Rachael, who was huddled at the head of her bed.

I was pacing, furious, back and forth in Rachael's bedroom. When I'd started yelling, Kelsey had come in, curious. "Who does that? Who makes someone feel _guilty_ for something like that? And, what, he's been harboring these feelings for two years? This resentment? I mean; if he didn't want to hang out with me, he _shouldn't_ have. Please, Jake, don't do me any favors." Rachael gave me a little nod and passed me the box of tissues from her desk. Shaking my head, I pulled one out and dabbed at my face. "I can't believe him."

"I don't understand why he's so angry," Rachael shrugged. "Nothing happened, right?"

"Nothing happened!" I cried. I had said it so much in the past few hours that I was beginning to believe it. "He's just pissed, because when Edward left—two years ago—I was really depressed, and he _had to_ help me, which is ridiculous—he didn't _have_ to do _anything_. God, he makes me sound like I'm some kind of charity case."

"You think he's jealous?" Kelsey suggested.

"I don't know," I said. "I really don't care at this point."

Jacob had been calling my phone every five minutes for the past hour, since I'd hung up on him. He'd filled my voice mail. I had refused to pick up the phone or listen to any messages. I had absolutely no interest in hearing more from him.

"And," I stopped and pulled out another tissue, "Who exactly does he think he is to be telling me who I can and cannot spend time with. Like, excuse me, I can make those decisions for myself, thanks. I was only telling him in the first place to spare _his_ feelings."

My phone vibrated again. I ignored it.

Rachael sighed. "Are you sure you don't want to talk to him? Maybe you guys just need to work through this. I mean, Bella, you love each other, don't you?"

"At the moment?" I asked bitterly.

"Okay," Kelsey held a hand up, "Let's not say something we don't mean. Just calm down, Bella."

But I couldn't calm down. All I could think about was Edward. All I wanted to do was call the number scrawled on my hand and tell him to get here and take me away. I wanted to run away with him. I wanted to see Alice. I wanted to be a vampire. I wanted to kick Jacob Black's ass.

My phone vibrated again. Rachael picked it up. "Please. Just talk to him. For me?" she smiled. "For believers in true love everywhere?"

I glared at her and reluctantly took the phone. "What?" I barked into the receiver.

"Bella?" Jacob sounded shocked.

"What do you want?"

"S-sorry. You picked up. I'm surprised," he said.

"Yeah, well, you can thank Rachael. She seems to think you can redeem yourself," I grumbled.

He laughed. "She's right. I can. I'm sorry. Really sorry, Bella. I didn't mean any of that—I was just angry. I really don't like the idea of you hanging out with a vampire."

"Tough," I said.

"Okay," he sighed. "I guess I can deal with that. I mean…you have to know that it's not a question of me trusting you. I trust you—completely. I know that you would never do anything with him. It's not that."

My skin tingled with guilt. "Good."

"I just worry about you. Vampires are dangerous," he explained. "Especially vampires who are particularly drawn to _your_ blood. Especially inclined to murder _you_."

"He's not inclined to m—" I caught Kelsey's confused expression. "He wouldn't do that, Jacob. Not to anyone. He's a good person. You don't have anything to worry about."

"If you say so," he sighed, obviously hating this. "Just promise me you'll be careful. Are you going to see him again?"

"I don't know," I said.

"Okay, well, if you see him again, just—I don't know—be on your guard, all right? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened to you," he said quietly.

"Yeah," I said. "I'll be careful."

"I love you, Bella."

I closed my eyes. "I love you, too."

Rachael smiled as Kelsey let out a relieved sigh. I rolled my eyes at them and, after giving a little wave, moved into my own bedroom, locking the door behind me.

He chuckled. "Sorry about all the messages."

I smiled. "That's okay. I'm sure they'll be fun to listen to."

"Yeah," he noted, "Good blackmail. It's mostly just a lot of me blubbering apologies. And I'm pretty sure I'm crying on more than one."

I laughed. "Oh, that's great. I'll make sure to save them for a rainy day."

"Yeah, you do that," he said. "God, I hate this separation. Three weeks is too long."

"It's more like two, now. Two measly little weeks. Almost nothing," I said.

I heard him sigh. "Bells, I'm really sorry. I can't even believe I would say that stuff. That's not how I feel. You know that, right?"

I sat down on my bed. "I know."

"Those times with you were some of the best of my life, okay? And I—I feel terrible for making you think that they were some kind of chore. They were anything but, all right?" he asked.

"Yeah," I sighed. "It's okay. Really. I'm okay. I get it."

"Good," he said and stifled a yawn.

"Tired, Jake?" I smiled into the phone.

"Sorry," he said. "Sam's got us on this regiment where we all have to get up at four o'clock in the morning and survey the area."

"Why?"

"I don't know. He says he wants us to know the area well enough that we'd know if there was something wrong—even if it was incredibly subtle," he groaned. "It's stupid but, you know, alpha's orders…"

"Right," I shrugged, "Sorry."

"Ugh," he moaned. "I miss you."

A smile flitted across my face. "I miss you too."

"Everyone keeps shoving their freaking imprintees in my face first thing in the morning," he complained. "It's annoying. It's all anyone can think about."

"Well, at least you have Leah," I half-joked. Leah and Jacob were among nearly the only members of the pack who had yet to imprint. Who were not _going_ to imprint, Jacob insisted.

He laughed, "Yeah, Leah. She's great fun."

"Jake," I heard a deep voice bellow.

"Five more minutes," Jacob called, his voice muffled by, I guessed, his hand over the phone. "Sorry about that," he said to me.

"Is that Billy?" I asked.

"Yeah," he admitted. "He's not thrilled with the number of hours I've been logging on the phone."

"Sorry," I said. "Maybe I should let you go."

"No, no, don't worry about it. Talk to me. What's new in your life other than the reemergence of the undead?"

I laughed. "I don't know. Not much. That French test was a huge slap in the face."

"Eh, who needs French?" he said comfortingly. "Everyone speaks American anyway, right?"

"What?" I smirked. "_Was ho_!"

He laughed. "Oh, very nice. _Ay__á__sicha xax__í__kitya_?" I had asked him to teach me some things in Quileute a few months ago, but I had mostly been a terrible pupil, giggling through the words.

"Uh," I gulped. "_H__ì__tk-otal__í__tali_. I think. Maybe not."

He asked, "Well, you said you're sad; is that what you meant?"

I shook my head. "No! Not at all. I wanted to say, 'good'. Isn't good something like that?"

"Sort of," he chuckled, "Good is _hach_. So, same letter. That's pretty good."

"Ugh," I groaned. "I suck at languages."

"No," he assured me. "Quileute's hard. And relatively dead, so don't worry about it. It's cute that you're trying."

"Jake," I could hear Billy reprimanding him. "Come on. You can call her back tomorrow."

"I'm teaching her about the ways of our people," Jacob argued. "This is vitally important."

"Say goodnight, Jake," he said.

I laughed, "I guess you have to go."

Jacob disagreed, "I'm not afraid of him."

"Don't give your dad a hard time. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"I guess. When you do get out of class?"

"Four."

"Then I will hold my breath until four," he said jokingly.

"Try not to pass out," I laughed lightly. "Goodnight, Jake."

"Love you."

"Love you, too. Bye."

"Bye."

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AN: So, at the end of the last chapter, I got all these, "Yay! Break up with him!" reviews. Heh...Don't hate me, guys! It wouldn't be fair to make it that simple.

Review!!


	11. Sympathy for the Vampire

Chapter Eleven

AN: Sorry this update took a little longer than the others. Finals are upon me. But, the plus side is, they'll be over soon, and I'll have more time to write! Anyway, enjoy!

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I had a dream about both of them. Well, at first, I had a dream about Jacob and I, standing in his barn and painting on this huge canvas, but neither of us had the faintest idea what to paint, so we just kept flinging colors at the wall like Pollack. And we were laughing every now and then, but there was a sadness looming over us, too. Like there was something we were supposed to be painting, but we couldn't figure out what it was.

And then Edward came in, smiling and friendly. He greeted me with a kiss and shook Jacob's hand like it was the most natural thing in the world. And then he contemplated our painting. He seemed to be sort of amused by the whole thing. He took my hand in his and gave me a paintbrush, and he held my wrist as I painted, pulling me in certain directions and letting me pull him in certain directions. And when we were done, I took a step back and looked at the painting, and it really was just a mess of colors, but I understood that it was somewhat better then than it had been before. And when I went to congratulate Jacob on our masterpiece, he wasn't there.

And then I woke up. Late. I only had ten minutes to get ready and run to class. Jack gave me a little acknowledging nod when I stumbled in. I was flustered and breathing heavily when I sat down and fumbled with my Norton to get to the right page.

Jack was in the middle of his introductory marks. "I want us to start thinking about sympathy. It's a word we sort of throw around arbitrarily. He's sympathetic. She's not. Etcetera, etcetera. But I'd like to start a discussion about sympathetic characters. Do you think we judge real people more harshly than literary characters? Or the other way around?" We were not sure if the question is reciprocal, so we all stayed quiet. Jack smirked. "Anybody?"

A girl, Jenny, shrugged. "I think we judge real people pretty harshly. Like, real people have to obey real laws, you know? Like, I'm not sympathetic to a real serial killer, but I might be sympathetic to a fictional one, does that make sense?"

"Makes perfect sense," Jack encouraged. "Other thoughts?"

"Well, I think it's easier to judge fictional people," a boy, Sean, suggested. "Because they tend to be less complicated—or, they have to be less complicated, because there is never enough time to get to know a fictional person completely. So, we can judge them easier, because they're not real people."

"Okay, good," Jack said. "So we have two opinions. That's great. So then, who do you think deserves sympathy more—fiction people or real people?"

"Real people," I blurted out. "Real people need sympathy—we need to be understood and considered fairly. Fictional people…well, they're not hurt if we don't like them. They're not real."

Jenny shook her head. "But fiction characters need to be sympathetic. Or the work of fiction is useless."

Jack held up a hand. 'Well, not necessarily. I can think of more than a few unsympathetic characters who have done pretty well. Sometimes people don't want to root for the good guy. Some people like a little more complication than that."

"Like Humbert Humbert," Aaron said from the back of the room.

"Sure," Jack agreed. "Or Holden Caulfield."

"Heathcliff and Catherine," I added.

"Right," Jack said. "And there are many more where they came from. So then, the question becomes, if these characters are unsympathetic, why do we care? What makes us interested in these relatively bad human beings?"

Sean shrugged. "I guess part of it is seeing how the other half lives."

Jack nodded. "Go on."

"Well, we," he smiled, "good people are maybe curious to know what it would be like to be bad. We want to experience that without actually partaking in that kind of activity."

I bit my lip. "You disagree, Bella?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, I don't know," I said. "I don't like dividing them into 'good' and 'bad' people. I think that's kind of the point of unsympathetic characters—to blur the line a little bit. I think writers use unsympathetic characters to get us to reconsider sympathy."

"Ah," Jack smiled. "That's interesting. You think we are supposed to sympathize with the unsympathetic."

"Yeah," I said. "We're supposed to see their side. We're supposed to learn not to make huge distinctions. To not take sides."

Jack nodded. "That's a very intriguing idea, Bella. How do the rest of you feel? When you read about a character that does not seem to be sympathetic, do you feel that your idea of morality is being challenged?"

_Is that what I'd said?_ It sounded much more impressive when Jack said it.

"Yeah," Aaron considered. "Characters who don't fit into the 'good person' mold make us change the mold, because we like them a lot of times. Like in _Lolita_. We're supposed to like Humbert Humbert. Even though he's a pedophile. He's still the, what did you say? He's the 'good guy'."

"Sure," Jack said. "And isn't it sort of amazing that we can do that with fiction? We can make pedophiles, drug addicts, prostitutes, or even murderers sympathetic to readers. We can make them see their side of things."

The conversation drifted into speculations of how one interprets a character to be sympathetic—what can be accepted in terms of flaws and strengths. I could barely hear them. The word _murderer_ was ringing in my head. My mind was swimming with the words of critics—sympathetic? Was Edward Cullen unsympathetic? Was I just drawn to him, because I wanted to blur the lines of good and bad? Was I trying to see how the other half-lives? What was it about him? Why was it so easy for me to overlook—everything—when it came to him?

I had half decided not to call him after I'd spoken with Jacob. I had decided that I would allow the memory of him to drift away again, this time knowing that I had made the decision—it had not been forced upon me. But I couldn't let his face go. I couldn't stop my heart from pounding hard in my chest if I allowed myself to think about calling him. I couldn't stop myself from programming his number into my phone. As much as I wished I could deny it, I wanted him.

I wanted him so badly my chest felt tight for the rest of Jack's class and into the rest of the day. The pain of it made me want to rip out my lungs and heart and collarbone so they wouldn't remind me of what was missing from my life.

I didn't tell Rachael anything. She was entrenched in her position and was a loyal enough person to stick with her decision. Kelsey, though, was still wavering between teams, giving me shrugs and agreeing with whatever I thought from moment to moment.

As Friday night loomed, we were all preparing for our friend, Brian's, twenty-first birthday celebration. We were meeting at his apartment around 11:30 and planning to stay the night. Kelsey loaned me a simple blue, strapless dress for the occasion and insisted fervently that I wear heels.

"Brian's brother's going to be there," Kelsey said, raising her eyebrows, while we walked across campus. It was only a ten-minute walk from our apartment to his. "The bartender."

"That's exciting," Rachael noted. "He's older than us, right?"

"Twenty-three," Kelsey said, nodding wistfully. "Lovely, lovely twenty-three."

"Is Brian drinking?" I asked. In the year and a half that I'd known him, I'd never seen him have more than one drink at a time.

"He better," Kelsey demanded. "I plan on being every badly acted teenager in health class movies tonight. I will peer pressure his ass off; I swear. It's just too wasteful if he doesn't get absolutely trashed tonight."

"You're such a good friend, Kels," I joked, and she winked at me in the darkness.

Rachael countered, "He's not going to do anything he doesn't want to do."

"God, you're no fun," Kelsey sniggered. "Well, whatever, even if that's a bust, I've still got the hot, older brother to occupy my time."

"True," I sighed.

"Aw, Bella," she looped her arm around mine, "I wish you were single! We would have so much fun!"

"Thanks, Kelsey," Rachael shrugged.

"Oh, you know what I mean," she stuck her tongue out at Rachael. "You're awesome, Rach, and I love you to pieces, but you refuse to make out with attractive strangers."

I laughed, "So do I."

"Because you're with Jacob," she said.

"No, because I don't want to make out with strangers. I much prefer making out with people I know," I countered.

"Like Edward Cullen?" she smirked.

"No," I said. "Like my boyfriend." I shook my head. "You really are a terrible influence. Poor Brian."

"Have you talked to him recently?" she pushed.

"Brian?" I asked harshly.

"Yeah, Brian," she rolled her eyes.

"Stop being a pest, Kelsey," Rachael reprimanded.

Kelsey giggled and leaned into me, hissing, "Pssst!"

I narrowed my eyes and smiled. "No. I have not talked to him recently. And I'm not going to."

She sighed. "But you have his number, right?"

"Yeah," I shrugged, trying to convince myself that it didn't mean anything.

"So, hypothetically, if I get you drunk enough tonight, you could—hypothetically—call up your gorgeous hunk of an ex and have him here pretty quickly," she was smiling widely.

"Oh, God, Kelsey," Rachael shook her head.

Kelsey nudged me. "Come on, Bella. Hypothetically?"

It wasn't going to happen. It wasn't going to. Even if I drank tonight, I always retained enough self-control that I wouldn't do something like that. I was almost completely certain of it, so I felt comfortable enough to make a joke out of the possibility. I smirked as we approached the door to Brian's building. We could hear music pounding from inside. I shrugged, "Hypothetically."

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AN: Review! Even if it's just a short, little thing, tell me how you feel about the story thus far! I have a general idea of what's going to happen, but I'm really curious to see if anyone has any ideas, so let me know! Thanks!!


	12. Two of Everything

Chapter Twelve, Two of Everything

AN: Hello, all. Sorry this update took a while. I haven't had internet for the past two weeks, but I've got it back now, and this is the longest chapter yet, so enjoy!

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"You should definitely call him!" Kelsey yelled over the music. "He's so hot!"

We had been there for almost two hours, and Kelsey had insisted that I do shots with her when she found out Brian's brother was engaged. My head was swimming with the joy of possibility. There were a little over twenty people there—all scattered throughout the apartment, laughing and talking and singing along with the music. I'd lost track of how much I'd had, but I wasn't feeling sick or tired. The night felt young and frantic—a night that could bring anything. "No, he's not," I laughed. "He's really cold, actually!"

She laughed. "Cold?"

I bit my lip. "No, never mind. He's not cold. I lied; I'm sorry."

"That's okay," she nodded, "I love you, anyway."

"I love you, too!"

Rachael moved over to us, smiling. "How are my girls doing?"

Kelsey pulled her into a hug. "I love you, Rachael. Did you know that?"

She chuckled. She had not had nearly as much to drink as we had. "I know. And I love you, too. How are you feeling?"

Kelsey kissed her cheek. "Fantastic!"

"Good," she nodded and turned to me, "And you, Bella? How are you?"

"I'm okay," I said. "Kelsey thinks I should call Edward. Should I call Edward?"

"No," she said. "I don't think that's such a great idea right now. Do you want me to take your phone?"

A pang of anger ran through me, and my face burned with heat. I shook my head. "No, that's okay. I won't call him. Thanks, though."

"You are so beautiful, Rachael," Kelsey said, slurring her words a bit and looking serenely at Rachael's pacifying gaze.

"Thank you, sweetheart," she looked away from us to Brian, who was sitting by himself with a jug filled to the brim with vodka and lemonade. He didn't look so good. "I think I'm gonna go check on the birthday boy, okay?" she asked me.

I nodded. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, that's okay," she insisted. "You two stay here. Have fun."

I watched as she maneuvered over to Brian and sat down beside him. Kelsey started dancing to the music, and she grabbed my hands. I leaned into her. "Do you believe in good and evil?"

She didn't miss a beat. "No. I believe in happiness."

I liked that. "Me, too!"

"Do you believe in love?" she asked me.

"Yes," I said.

"Me, too," she said. "And I think that its okay if you love whoever you love, because all kinds of love are beautiful. And you can't help what kind of love you have."

I blinked slowly, trying to keep up with her words, which were coming out too quickly and hard to hear over the music. "You—" I smiled deviously, "You think I should call Edward Cullen."

She shrugged but smirked. "I think you should be happy. That's all. And I think that you would like to call Edward Cullen, because you are in _love_ with him!" She giggled and brought her face close to mine. I could smell her sweat.

"Rachael will be mad," I said.

"Rachael should not make decisions for you, Bella!" she insisted. "You should be the only one making decisions for you." We moved for a few seconds to the beat before she took my face in her hands. "Listen. You're young. We're young. This is the time to figure things out, okay? And it's important that you don't go through life doing what you think is 'right' only to be all unhappy and bitter when you're old, okay? So, do it! Do what makes you happy, now, so that you can be happy later—in the long run. No regrets, right?"

I smiled. "No regrets."

She kissed my cheek then pulled my phone out of my pocket. "Call him!"

I leaned against a wall while I looked through my contacts, scrolling down to Edward's name. Kelsey stood in front of me, smiling encouragingly. He picked up after one ring. "Hello."

"Hello," I said, trying my best not to sound drunk.

"Bella?"

"Hi, uh," I considered, "Kelsey said that I should call you." Kelsey shook her head fervently. "Or no. I mean, she did say that, but that's not why I'm calling you."

"Are you all right, Bella?"

"I'm great! Thank you for asking," I giggled. "I—I called you—Edward?"

"I'm here," he said.

"Okay. See, I called you, because I—" I stopped myself, unsure of what I was going to say. "Well, because I would really like it if you were here right now."

"Where are you?"

"I'm at Brian's apartment," I said, looking around for Brian. "It's his birthday."

There was a long pause. "Are you drunk, Bella?"

"Um, well," I shrugged, "Yes, I am quite drunk."

"Ah," he said, sounding amused.

"But that doesn't mean I don't mean it when I say that I want you to be here. Because, I would want you to be here even if I was sober," I said.

"Are you sure about that?" he questioned. "What about Jacob Black?"

"Jacob Black is," I sighed, "I don't know. Why are you thinking about Jacob Black? Don't think about him right now."

"Tell him you love him!" Kelsey instructed me. "Tell him that! Then he'll come!"

Edward laughed. "Was that Kelsey?"

"You heard that?" I asked incredulously.

"I did," he said. "It sounds like you two are having a good time."

"Edward, please come!" I begged into the phone. "Please, please, please! I know I'm drunk, but I won't do anything. I swear. I just want to see you, tonight. Please?"

"I don't know, Bella."

"Please!" I said. "I just," my voice got quieter, "I just sort of need you right now."

He was silent.

"Edward? Are you there?" I asked franticly.

"I'm here." He sighed. "All right. Where does Brian live?"

"Really? Okay, he lives across campus from my apartment. On the forth floor," I said, my heart picking up speed at the thought of him being here. Kelsey threw her arms up triumphantly and moved away from me, into the crowd.

"All right," he said. "I'll find you from there."

"Thank you, Edward," I sighed into the phone, "I'm really happy you're coming. It means a lot to me."

He was quiet for a moment before he said, "I'll be there soon. Try not to have too much fun."

"Edward?" I whispered into the phone, so quiet that I couldn't hear it above the music.

"Yes, Bella," Edward asked.

"I'm not sure if Kelsey was wrong," I admitted. "About me loving you."

"Bella…" he sounded distraught.

"But maybe she was wrong. I don't know. I need to—I need to talk to you about it, okay? In person," I decided. "So you need to come here."

He groaned into the phone. "Or maybe you should call Jacob Black. Maybe you should be talking to him."

"I don't want to talk to him. Please, please, Edward!" I felt tears gathering at the base of my throat. "I'll wait outside for you. Please, get here soon." I didn't wait for him to answer, pulling the phone away from my ear and closing it with one swift motion. I took a few deep breaths, trying to compose myself, and brushed my fingers under my eyes.

Outside it was chilly. The night air hung heavy above me, large dark clouds looming overhead, ready to dispense torrents of freezing rain. It seemed impossible that it was almost Spring. The jump in seasons in Seattle was quick—it went right from freezing winter rain to heavy summer showers with hardly a break in between.

I wasn't alone outside. There was a couple huddled together, sharing a cigarette, and a few people walked by, headed back to campus after their night out had ended. I checked my phone obsessively. _12:42_. _12:43_. _12:44_. I felt much dizzier outside, away from the music and my friends. My mind raced in a confused rush—anxious and frustrated and needing Edward to be here.

It felt like I'd been outside for an hour when he appeared, wearing a white button down shirt and carrying a coat over his arm. "Bella," he said, taking him my bare arms and legs with his trademark protectiveness.

"You came!" I said, tears filling my eyes as I pulled him against me into a hug.

"You must be freezing." He instructed, "Here, put this on." He wrapped his coat around me and pulled it closed at my neck. I was warmer instantly and surrounded by his intoxicating smell.

"Thank you," I said. "We don't have to stay here, if you don't want."

He nodded. "Yes, let's get you home, and maybe in bed. How's that sound?"

"You want me to go to bed?" I asked, and my mind flooded with nights from a different life. "Will you stay with me? Like before?"

"We'll see, Bella," he said.

"Are you angry at me?" I put a hand on his shoulder to balance myself.

"Not at all," he said, holding me close against his side, as we started moving towards my apartment. "Did you say goodbye to your friends?"

"No," I realized. "Oh! I should call them." I pulled out my phone and fumbled to get it open.

"Here," he said, taking it from me, "Allow me."

I watched as he dialed and held the phone up to his ear. After a moment, he squinted. "Kelsey's not answering. Should I call Rachael?"

"Yeah," I said. "She's my best friend. Or—she's one of them. I have two best friends. Aren't I lucky? Some people don't have any, and I have two!" A rush of vertigo passed through me, and I laid my head down on his shoulder. "I have two of everything."

"Hmm," he said, dialing again waiting for an answer.

Rachael picked up. "Well, hello, Isabella. Where did you run off to? You okay, sweetie?"

"Hello, Rachael," Edward said. "This is Edward Cullen, speaking."

I sighed against him. "She's gonna be mad."

Edward pulled me closer. "I just wanted to let you know that Bella called me, and I'm taking her back to the apartment, all right? She's going to go right to bed when we get there."

"If you stay with me," I amended quietly.

"Okay, fine," Rachael said curtly, obviously aggravated.

"All right," he said. "Have a good night." I didn't hear her give any answer, but Edward sighed and closed my phone.

I glared up at him. "Did she hang up on you?"

He rubbed my arm. "She has good reason to be upset."

I shook my head. "Not with you. You're not dating Jacob Black."

"No," he said, his voice heavy. "That's you."

I sighed into him. "I'm dizzy."

He nodded. "Yes, I'd imagine you would be. Do you know how much you drank?"

I gulped. "A lot." He gave me a tight smile, but his eyes were serious. My brow furrowed. "You know, I don't think it's right for you to judge me for drinking. I'm a person…in college…and tons of people drink. It's not a big deal."

He nodded. "I agree completely. I'm not judging you."

"Yes, you are," I grumbled. "And it's not like you're such a saint, either. I mean—I've never killed anybody."

"Shh, Bella," he pulled me closer, "Could you try not to yell that?"

I looked up at him with wide eyes. "Am I yelling?"

He smiled kindly. "You are, yes."

Ducking my head into his neck, I whispered, "I'm sorry. I'll be quiet." I inhaled his scent as we walked. He was carrying most of my weight. "I don't want to fight with you. Do you promise you're not judging me?"

"I promise," he said. "I wouldn't think of judging you."

I smiled against him. "Because you love me?"

He sighed. "We're almost there, Bella. Do you think you can make it up the stairs, or would you like me to carry you?"

"Edward," I scolded. "It's very rude not to answer someone when they ask you something."

"Bella, please," he said. "You're not yourself right now. I'm not sure this is the right time for this conversation."

"But I am myself," I insisted. "I'm more myself now than I usually am. I'm honest now! And, honestly, Edward I love you!"

"Bella," he said, warning.

"No," I pushed away from him, so I could look him directly in the eye. "I mean it!" I cried as tears pooled in my eyes and my head spun. "I really do! And I know I shouldn't, but I can't not love you!" I smiled through tears. "Edward, I love you! I love you!"

"Shh, Bella," he said, looking at me with the most pained expression. "Please."

"No, Edward!" I held my arms out, feeling the weight of the words lift from my shoulders and mind. This moment felt special, true, and almost magical. I could see our apartment complex nearby, but Edward and I were the only people outside. He reached out for me gingerly as I backed away from him. "I love you! I really, really—"

"Bella!" Edward was at my side in a second. Somehow, I had ended up on the ground.

"Ow," I groaned. "That hurt."

I stifled a giggle, as Edward worriedly shook his head. "Are you all right?"

"I'm great!" I told him. "It's just these stupid shoes!" I reached for my feet, but Edward's hands got there first, ice cold against my feet.

"Bella," he stared at my borrowed high heels. "Your ankle." He gently touched my right ankle. "That doesn't hurt?"

"No," I sighed. "Well, really, I can't feel my feet right now. Or my hands. Or my mouth." I laughed. "Is there something wrong with my ankle?"

He sighed. "Very possibly." He shook his head. "Let's get you inside, and I'll look at it."

I giggled when he picked me up. As we entered the apartment building, I was muttering to his shoulder, "It's okay if that ankles not working, cause I have two of them. I have two of everything."

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AN: It's very difficult to come up with new witty ways to ask you to review. So I'll just go with blunt honesty-Review!

Also, as a complete side note, if you enjoy (Drunk) Bella and Edward interaction, you could check out one of my other stories, Still, it's short and sweet and rather different from this particular encounter. Heh.


	13. Needless Suffering

Chapter 13

AN: Hey guys. Thanks for all the reviews. They really help to inspire me to write, so keep them coming! Thanks so much!

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I woke up the next morning in a hospital bed with a headache. Groaning, I turned my body, which was stiff and sore, and sat up to survey the damage. My right ankle was heavy with a stark white cast, and my killer shoes were on the floor near the door. I was surprised to find that I was still wearing my dress. I could vaguely remember Edward driving me to the hospital, and after that, there were foggy memories of a wheelchair and an x-ray machine. In my left arm, there was an IV, which stung uncomfortably. It was nothing, though, compared to the throbbing pain in my head.

There were two swift knocks on the door of my room. I pulled the thin hospital blanket over my legs and wiped quickly at my face, sure that the makeup Kelsey had put on my last night was now a mess. "Um, come in," I said, hesitantly. I hated not knowing what had happened. It would be embarrassing if the doctor who'd been working on me all night had to be introduced to me now.

I was relieved to see Edward peek his head inside. He smiled. "Oh, good. You're awake."

"I'm awake," I said. My voice was scratchy and harsh, like it was after a night of screaming at a concert. "What happened?"

He sat down in a chair by the door. He was still in his clothes from the night before. "Well, you fractured your ankle."

I groaned. "Is it really bad?"

"Not terrible," he assured me. "I'm sure you've had worse, but you'll need to keep that on for the next six weeks or so. But you're lucky; you didn't need surgery."

"Lucky," I pondered bitterly.

"The doctor will tell you all this, of course, and," he smirked, "I'm afraid you're going to have to take a seminar in alcohol abuse."

"What?" I cried.

He chuckled. "It's standard for anyone who comes in with an injury caused by intoxication."

"But it wasn't caused by intoxication. It was caused by those ridiculous torture tools that others call shoes!" I demanded, pointing to the culprits then turning to Edward. "I could have done this entirely sober. You know that."

He nodded. "Probably. But you didn't do it sober, and they're being very kind about the situation all ready, Bella. They've agreed not to tell the authorities about you drinking underage if you agree to attend the class. I told them it wouldn't be a problem."

"Oh, God," I groaned. "Charlie's going to kill me."

Edward smiled. "No one's going to tell Charlie. You're over eighteen. It's your decision whether or not you want him to know."

"Really?" I asked.

"Really," he said. "You're an adult, Bella."

"Huh," I half smiled, "Yeah. Doesn't really feel that way, I guess."

He stood slowly and came closer to the bed. "No?"

"No," I said quietly. "I feel very, very young right now."

There was another knock on the door. Edward leaned in to me. "Doctor Halburn. He's been on your case since we came in. He's been here all night, so he's going home now."

I nodded and called, "Come in."

The doctor was a middle-aged man with grey eyes and very thin brown hair. He looked exhausted. "Good morning, Miss Swan. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Oh, you know," I blushed, "I've been better."

"Hmm," he said, giving me a half-hearted smile. "Well, I'm going to be heading home now, so Doctor Jare will be taking care of all your discharge papers and such. Are you in any pain?"

"Uh," I shrugged, "I mean, I'm okay."

"Okay…" he said, confused. As if it was some alien language. "Well, I'm gonna go ahead and prescribe you some Celebrex, all right? It's a painkiller. You can take it if your ankle starts to hurt, and you know you're coming back in two weeks, right?"

"Uh, two weeks, sure," I said. "Thank you."

"Yep," he said. "No problem." He turned to Edward. "Are you driving her home?"

"Yes," Edward said. "Thank you, Doctor. Have a great day."

"All right," Doctor Halburn said, moving towards the door. "You two be careful."

Once he left, Edward looked over at me. "He has a teenage daughter at home. I'm afraid you've made her day significantly more difficult."

"Fantastic," I sighed. "I've always wanted to be a cautionary tale."

Edward chuckled lightly. "It's not so bad. Like you said, you could have broken a bone without the alcohol, and this is a true college experience."

I shook my head. "Yeah, now all I need is a toga and an appearance on _Girls Gone Wild_ to round things out."

A few moments later, Doctor Jare came in and explained my fracture, the mandatory alcohol addiction class, and the dos and don'ts of wearing a cast—something I had heard many times before. She also gave me my painkillers and paperwork to fill out. Once I was done, Edward helped me into a wheelchair and then he supported my weight as I hobbled on one high-heeled shoe once we were outside. With me in one arm and the crutches the hospital had supplied in the other, he led me to his car.

I remembered the Volvo more from high school than from the previous night. He drove slower than normal for him, almost at the speed limit. "Did you call Kelsey or Rachael?" I asked nervously.

"Yes, I spoke to Rachael. She seemed rather concerned."

I sighed, "Great."

"She really doesn't like me much, does she?" he asked, staring at the road.

"It's not you," I assured him. "It's the idea of you. The—the other man."

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully.

"I," I shook my head, "I said some things last night, didn't I?"

"It's all right, Bella," he said. "I'm not taking any of that too seriously. I understand—"

"No," I told him. "You should take it seriously. I didn't say anything I didn't mean."

He was silent for a long moment. "Really?"

"Yes," I admitted. "Edward, I do…I do love you."

He smiled and looked over at me. "And I love you."

I half smiled at him then swallowed hard. "But…"

He frowned. "But."

"But I love Jacob, too," I said. "And…and he needs me, and I need him."

He was silent, looking forward at the road.

Tears caught in my throat. "And, I mean, you're going to live forever, Edward. You'll—you know—with enough time, you'll forget—"

"Bella," he said sharply. "Please, don't patronize me."

"Okay," I said meekly. "I, um, I think it would be best if you…if we didn't see each other…ever again."

"I see," he said.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"No," he insisted. "You have nothing to apologize for, Bella. You only did what I asked you to do. I'm all right. I'll be all right. I just want you to be happy; that's all. So, if you're happy…" he looked over at me as tears pooled in my eyes.

"I'm happy," I whimpered, wiping under my eyes.

"That's all I need to know," he said sternly. "I'll drop you off, and you'll never hear from me again."

"Oh," I was surprised by the onset of tears at the notion of never seeing him again. He sighed, keeping his gaze forward. "I'm so, so sorry," I blubbered as a flood of tears ran down my face.

"Please, Bella," he crooned. "Don't cry. It's all right. I'll be all right."

My hand caressed the sleek black vinyl of the passenger seat. I closed my eyes, trying to retain the feeling of it—trying to make the moment last longer. It felt too surreal to be saying goodbye to Edward Cullen again—and by my own hand. My chest ached like someone was squeezing it in a fist. When I felt the car come to a stop, my throat tightened.

Edward opened my door and held a hand out to me. He held my crutches under his arm. I was afraid to look up at his face.

He sighed when I was standing in front of him. "Well, all right. Do you need help getting upstairs?"

"Edward," I sighed.

"You have your pills?" he asked. "Don't hesitate to take them, okay? You don't need to suffer any pain. Don't suffer needlessly, all right, Bella?"

"Oh, God," I cried and threw my arms around him. With his free hand, he pulled me tight against him. I sobbed into his shoulder, "Why are you making this so easy?"

He kissed my forehead. "You've made your decision, Bella. I'd expect you'd like for that decision to be respected." I gripped a handful of his hair in my palm and cried against him. He petted my head calmly. "Shh, shh, Bella."

"I really do love you," I said. "I'm just so _sorry_."

"As am I," he said and began to pull away.

I gripped onto him tighter, holding him close to me. "I don't—" I whispered, "I don't know that I could go forever…without you."

He leaned down, bringing his face close to mine. "I'll never be far," he promised. "But if you don't want to see me, you won't." He pulled me close for a second, and I sobbed again before he let go of me entirely and placed my crutches between us.

I took a few shallow breaths and grabbed onto the crutches with one hand. Edward handed me my purse in my free hand, and our fingers lingered for a few seconds. The ice cold of his skin hardly registered with me. My mind was swimming with the fear of never seeing him again.

He smiled sadly down at me. "Goodbye, Bella."

I shook my head, letting the tears stream down my face. "I love you," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

Edward brought a finger up to wipe under my eyes before leaning down to kiss my forehead. "Close your eyes," he whispered.

My instincts fought against me as I let my heavy eyelids close. I held them tightly down when I heard the Volvo's engine start, and only opened them again when the car was completely out of sight.

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AN: Hey. Review. Like, now, please? Thanks.


	14. The Right Guy

Chapter 14

AN: Thank you guys for all the reviews! I just started a job answering phones, which is providing me with an enormous expanse of time to write, so if you review, I'm likely to write a whole lot. Enjoy!

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Rachael was less than pleased to see me. When I knocked on the apartment door, too exhausted from the clumsy trip up the stairs, Kelsey answered with a warning look in her eye, but her expression changed when she saw me. "Oh, my God," she shook her head, "Bella, what happened?"

She held the door out for me, and I awkwardly stepped through. My voice was still thick with tears. "It's really nothing. Just a broken ankle."

Rachael was sitting on the couch, refusing to look in my direction. I sat down at the kitchen table. Kelsey came over and sat with me. "We knew about the broken ankle," she said, "But why are you crying?"

"Oh," I sighed. "I, uh," I wiped under my eyes, "I told Edward he should leave."

"You didn't!" Kelsey put a hand to her chest.

At this, Rachael turned around. "Really?"

I shrugged. "Really. It wasn't fair to Jacob. And I don't trust myself not to do anything, so it's better this way."

Rachael nodded slowly. "Did something happen last night?"

"No," I said. "Well, I mean, we didn't do anything, but I said some things that I shouldn't have."

"Oh, Bella," Kelsey sighed. "I'm so sorry for encouraging you. I didn't know you were in so much pain."

"I wasn't," I argued. "I'm not. Really. It just—it really hurt to send him away like that, but I have nothing to complain about. I have an incredible boyfriend who loves me, and I'm going to go see him next week with a clear conscience."

Rachael gave me a sad little smile and moved to sit next to me. "You're doing the right thing, Bell. I knew you would."

I smiled at her. "Yeah," I sighed, "Except now I have to get around with these ridiculous things," I gestured to the crutches, "and take some stupid seminar about alcohol abuse."

Kelsey shook her head. "What?"

"Yeah," I said. "Apparently, if you go to the hospital with an injury caused by alcohol, it's mandatory. But it means that I won't get it any legal trouble, cause of the whole under twenty-one deal."

Rachael shrugged. "Well, that's good, I guess."

"Ugh," Kelsey crossed her arms, "That's crazy. You hardly drink at all."

"Well, I drank last night," I countered.

"Do you have to pay for this seminar thing?" she asked.

"No, it's free. Taught by volunteers."

Kelsey shrugged. "Well, then, we'll go with you."

"We will?" Rachael asked incredulously.

"Sure, we will," she said. "If you're an alcoholic, then we're all alcoholics. We'll bring Brian, too. It'll be fun."

I laughed. "I'm not sure about that."

"No, really," Kelsey said. "I feel more than partially responsible, and Rachael wants to support your decision, right Rach?"

Rachael groaned and smirked. "I guess so."

"Great, then we'll all go," Kelsey said decisively. "Ooh! We should make up stories about how alcohol has ruined our lives! I'm gonna try to cry on queue!"

Rachael laughed. "You're deranged; you know that?"

I smiled. Being back with my friends was making me feel much better. "So then, what happened at the party after I left?"

Rachael shrugged. "Not much. You didn't really miss anything all that exciting."

Kelsey agreed, "Yeah, we left as soon as Edward called from the hospital."

"Oh," I said, "I'm sorry. Did I ruin your night?"

"No, not at all," Kelsey assured me. "Brian was already vomiting his guts out, and everyone was sort of filing out."

Rachael smirked. "Really, you just saved us from cleaning up."

"Oh, good," I said.

My phone vibrated in my purse, and Kelsey took it out and handed it to me. She smiled. "Speaking of incredible boyfriends."

"Oh," I smiled, taking the phone. "Good morning," I said into the phone.

"Bella," Jacob's alarmed voice caught me off guard. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head and looked to Rachael. She bit her lip. "I felt like he should know," she whispered. "Sorry."

I sighed and stood up as best I could, taking one crutch with me and heading upstairs. "I'm fine, Jake. I fell. It's not a big deal."

"Rachael said you were in the hospital," he said. "And I've been calling all night."

I reached the top of the stairs and went in my room. "I'm sorry. My phone was on vibrate, and I had a busy night. I just got home two minutes ago."

"Were you in the hospital?" he demanded.

I cringed. "Technically."

"Technically?" he asked tersely. "What does that mean? You were technically in the hospital?"

"I broke an ankle, okay?" I said. "I was wearing heels, and I'd been drinking—not a great combination for me."

"You broke an ankle," he sighed. "That's all?"

"That's all," I said.

"Oh, God," he said, relieved. "And you're okay? You didn't need surgery or anything?"

"No surgery," I said. "I'm just fine. I've just got to hobble around with a cast for the next month and a half, but I'm fine."

"Okay," he said. "I'm really happy to hear that."

"Yeah. Please, don't worry about me. It's just another injury in my long, proud line of injuries."

"Right," he said. "Uh, Bella?"

"Yeah."

"Rachael mentioned something else," he admitted.

_Uh oh._

"Okay," I said hesitantly.

"Was Edward Cullen there?"

I let the words hang in the air for a moment. Lying would be so easy, and the need to minimize his pain was pounding in my throat.

"Bella?" he asked, his voice dejected and tired. "Please, just tell me. I won't be upset, I promise. I just need to know."

"Yes, Jacob," I sighed into the phone. "He was there."

He was quiet on the other end, but for a small, meek, "Oh."

"But I told him that I couldn't see him anymore," I said proudly. "I told him that I love you, and he went away. I sent him away."

"Really?" his voice caught and he cleared his throat, "You said that to him?"

"I did," I smiled. "Don't sound so surprised, kid. I'm pretty fond of you."

"Yeah," he said. "I'm really, really fond of you, too, Bells. Wow, I just…wow. I was not expecting that. Thank you, Bella. That really means a lot to me."

My heart warmed at his happiness. I knew I'd done the right thing, as hard as it had been. I knew Jacob was my guy—the right guy—the guy who'd never done anything wrong—the guy who never would. "Well, you mean a lot to me, Jake," I said.

He laughed lightly. "So, I'm still gonna see you on Friday, right?"

"Uh, yeah, about that," I sighed. "You know that ankle I broke? Well, it turns out it was the right one. Like, the one I use to drive."

"Ah," he chuckled, "So you're asking me for a favor?"

I shrugged. "If you're not in to it, I could always ask Charlie."

"I'm in to it," he assured me. "I just have to get my dad to let me take the day off from school."

"You don't need to do that," I said. "I don't get done until noon anyway. You could leave right after school."

"Bells," he sighed, "When given the opportunity to take the day off from school I'd like to take the day off from school. Take your logic and rational thought somewhere else. If I leave at nine, I can get there around noon, right?"

"Right."

"And then we'll be back by three. We'll have most of the day here."

"Well," I sighed. "I'll probably still have to pack. I have mid-terms all week, so I was planning on leaving the packing until Friday."

"Okay," he said. "That works, too. I'll help you pack; probably get the job done much faster."

"Well, it's easy when you've got supernaturally enhanced muscles," I teased.

"Sure, sure," he said. "I'm gonna talk to you before then, right?"

"Yeah. I mean, I've got mid-terms, so I'm going to sink into that crazy, suffocating headspace of studying," I warned him.

"Then I will call and release you from your hysterics," he promised.

"Sounds fantastic," I said.

"Doesn't it? Well, I am going to go sleep, as I didn't do a lot of that last night," he said.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"No, no. I'm glad you're all right," he paused, "And the other thing. You are just full of good news today, Isabella."

I laughed. "Well, I try."

"Love you, Bells."

"Love you, too, Jacob. Sleep tight."

As I hung up the phone, the weight in my chest was considerably lighter. The memory of Edward was far away, being tucked back into its drawer in my mind, where it had remained for the past two years. And even though I had not really forgotten him in two years, I had faith that in ten—twenty—fifty years, he would be nothing but a sweet forgotten teenage memory, left behind with the dust and sentiment of a different life.

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AN: I promise, we're not even close to the end! Keep on reviewing!


	15. With Certainty

Chapter 15

AN: Thanks for the reviews, guys! I love 'em; keep 'em coming!

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We were an hour away from Forks when the Rabbit breathed its last breath. I sat in the passenger seat with the door open, resting my right ankle on the road, while Jacob stared into the open hood. "I think it's just overheated," he said for the hundredth time. "We just have to wait a minute. It'll run fine as soon as it cools off a little."

I shrugged. "The battery light's on."

"Yeah, it does that sometimes. I don't think it's a big deal," he said.

"Okay," I said.

He nodded a few times, still staring at the car's interior. "I mean, we're not that far. I could probably just phase and run you home. You think you could hold on?"

I smirked. "I have all my stuff."

"We could come back for it," he suggested.

"No, its fine," I said. "We'll just wait. It's probably just overheated, like you said."

An hour and a half later, I was nearly asleep in the backseat. Jacob was pissed. "We need someone to come get us," he said through clenched teeth into my phone. "Anyone." He paused. He'd called his house and mine more than a few times, and neither of our fathers had picked up. Quil, Embry, and Seth were all still in school, so he'd resorted to calling Sam. "Where's my dad?" He listened then turned to me, nodding. "Well, of course he's fishing. Why won't he just get a cell phone already? It's a new freaking millennium!"

I smiled the tiniest bit at that and shrugged.

"Then you come get us," he said into the phone, though less aggressive. He waited a moment then sighed. "Well, we're stranded out here. Is there anyone there who isn't doing anything?"

"Why can't he come?" I whispered.

"Apparently, there's some kind of crisis," he said nonchalantly, rolling his eyes.

"Crisis?" I repeated. "Is everyone okay?"

He nodded quickly to me before listening to Sam. His face fell, and my heart started pounding, worried that someone was hurt. Jacob's eyes went wide. "She's the _only_ _one _available?"

She.

I groaned. Jacob looked at me with a pained expression. "Well, yeah, I guess if she's the _only one_." He shrugged, desperately.

Leah Clearwater found us on the highway a little over an hour later. By then, Charlie had begun to get worried and called from the station, but I explained to him that I should be home relatively soon. Leah did not look particularly thrilled to be there. She wore her trademark glare and stared forward as she stopped the Clearwater's truck. With as little effort as she could muster, she reached over and put her window down. "You can get in," she said. "And put your stuff in the trunk."

Jacob rolled his eyes and helped me transfer my belongings from his car to hers. It only took a few minutes with Jacob doing most of the work, and we stood together at the back of the truck. "You want to sit up front?" he asked.

"Not at all," I said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "That honor's all yours."

He sighed and closed the trunk before opening the back door for me and helping me in. Leah was silent as Jacob sat down next to her. When he closed the door behind him, she started the engine and headed off down the highway. He sighed, "Thanks, Leah, for coming."

She stared forward. "Not really my decision."

"Oh," Jake said. "Well, thanks anyway."

"Yeah," I added. "Thank you."

A few moments passed in silence. Jacob looked at me through the rearview mirror and smirked. I shrugged back.

"So, uh," he tried, "What the big emergency on the Rez?"

One side of Leah's mouth rose very slightly. "Sam didn't tell you?"

"No," he said. "It's something funny?"

"Well," she sighed. "Seth imprinted."

"What?" I said as my eyes grew wide. "_Seth_? He's just a kid."

Leah shrugged. "He'll be sixteen next month."

"Who did he imprint on?" Jacob asked.

"Some girl from Michigan. Her family is visiting the Atera's for a few days," she explained. "Jessica. That's her name."

"Wow," I said.

"How old is she?" Jacob asked.

"Fourteen," she said. "That's not such a big deal."

"Finding your soul mate at fourteen is not a big deal?" I asked quietly.

Jacob shrugged. "Not if you ask Claire."

Leah nodded, still staring forward. "They're dropping like flies."

Jacob glared. "Whatever."

I caught Leah's gaze in the rearview mirror, and while it wasn't exactly happy, there was something mischievous about the way her eyes looked at me. "Maybe it's not such an uncommon thing," she mused.

"Do you have a point?" he asked tersely.

She shrugged. "You don't have to get snippy with me. I'm just saying…"

"It doesn't matter," Jacob contested. "I don't need to imprint. I'm doing just great without it." He cast a look back at me and smiled. I blushed and smiled back.

"Sure," Leah said. "For now."

Jacob clenched his fists. "Could you be a bigger bitch?"

She smirked. "I sure could." I stayed silent in the back seat. "But you know I'm right. It's not something you can control."

"It's not going to happen, Leah," Jacob insisted.

"Okay," she said, clearly disbelieving. "It's not going to happen. You know this. With certainty."

"I love _Bella_," he said.

"I understand that," she said. "Sam _loved_ me."

Jacob paused for a moment. "That's not the same thing."

"Of course it's not." She kept staring forward.

"I'm not talking about this anymore," Jacob decided. "I'm happy for Seth. Let's leave it at that."

"Okay, great," she said.

It took us another forty-five minutes to get back to Forks. None of us spoke. My mind was a little hazy. I knew Leah wasn't exactly wrong about the possibility of Jacob imprinting. It could happen, and, as more and more members of the pack joined the ranks of the happily paired off, it was becoming more a more likely that one day Jacob would meet someone else and have no choice but to love her.

But maybe not. Jacob seemed adamant that he would not imprint on anyone, and Leah was already twenty-two and hadn't imprinted. It was entirely possible that it would never be an issue. Entirely possible.

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AN: Next up, two year anniversary! (And I've mapped out the next few chapters, so if I get reviews, I'll write them extra quickly!)


	16. Again Again

Chapter 16

AN: Hey guys! Thanks again for all the reviews, etc. I love reading them! Here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

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He was warm under me. I laid, exhausted, with my ear to Jacob's bare chest. He breathed. Again. Again. I listened to his heart pounding strong and swift beats, faster than usual, excited and happy. Again. Again.

His fingers tangled in my hair, which was a mess across his shoulder. He curled them in small, delicate movements, sending chills through my body. Again. Again. Neither of us spoke for a few minutes. The hotel ceiling fan swirled above us, the only sound in the room, attaching cool air to the particles of sweat that covered us. It spun. Again. Again. My eyelids grew heavy with the bliss of it all, and I tightened my grip around Jacob, needing the moment to stay a little bit longer—needing it never to end.

He whispered, "Bella?"

I turned my head, so I could see his face. "Hey there."

He smiled. "Hi," then, more hesitant, "You okay? You're kind of quiet."

"Sorry," I sighed. "I'm good." I smiled. "I'm really, really good."

He laughed. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," I kissed his cheek. "Really. Some of your best work ever."

"Oh, good," he said before he took my face in both hands and kissed me. I arched up to reach him better and sighed into the feel of his lips on mine. The comforter slipped from my shoulders and fell down to my bare lower back. He pulled away but kept his face close to mine. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I said, almost whispering, not wanting to harm the sacredness of the moment.

He'd rented a hotel room for our two-year anniversary, which we had retired to after having dinner at an Italian restaurant that had a coatroom and didn't put prices on the menu. Jacob tried to get us a bottle of wine, assuming that his height and muscle tone would be enough to convince the server that he was twenty-one, but we had no such luck. "I probably shouldn't be drinking anyway," I joked, "Since I'm a raging alcoholic and all."

Jacob had helped me up the stairs of the hotel, carrying most of my weight, and we had plans to order room service at three in the morning. My heart was swollen with something close to exuberance.

"I really missed that," I giggled, my hands on the sides of his face.

He shook his head and smirked. "Yeah, you were," he laughed, "very enthused."

"Oh," I moaned, digging my face into the crux of his neck. "I'm exhausted."

He chuckled, moving his hand to my back. The heat sent chills through me and made my toes point with feeling. "Agreed." He took a deep breath. "Are you ready for sleep?"

"Mmm," I hummed against him, and he laughed. "Not ready for sleep. Not even close." I kissed him. "Oh, I love you so much. Let's go again!"

He shook his head. "You're crazy. I'm not a machine."

"Dude," I sighed. "You're a werewolf."

"Dude," he mocked me. "I know."

I kissed his cheek. "So shouldn't you have amazing animal stamina?"

He glared. "I do have amazing animal stamina." He sat up, and I moved with him, kneeling in his lap. "It's just that you are a supernatural force to be reckoned with. You're insatiable."

I ran my hands down his chest. "Insatiable."

He groaned, "Ugh," then smiled, "Can we just take a little breather? Please? For the werewolf?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "Seriously, Bells. I gotta regroup a little bit."

I sighed and moved off him, collapsing on the other side of the bed. Instantly, my body missed Jake's warmth, and I shivered with a pout up at him.

He looked down at me and rolled his eyes. "You'll survive."

"Sure, sure," I said, noting his little smile. "Okay, then, pitiful, weak, un-enduring pup—"

He chuckled, "Nice."

I ignored him. "What are we supposed to do, then?"

He shrugged. "Anything."

"Like…?" I crossed my arms stubbornly.

"Like," he said, "we could watch TV. There's one in the cabinet thing." He indicated the armoire in front of the bed.

I shook my head. "I don't want to watch TV. We can do that anywhere. This is a special occasion. That's like going to the movie theatre at the beach."

He laughed. "Okay, then. We could just talk. Will you talk to me?" He leaned on his elbow, laying on his side and facing me.

I moved closer to him and put a hand on the side of his face, trying to take in every curve of his skin, every expression, every single moment of Jacob Black. I smiled. "Of course I'll talk to you."

He nodded, smiling, and pulled me close to him, so I was lying against his chest. I sighed in place, warm and content. He kissed my forehead. "That's good. I've been—I mean—I've kind of wanted to talk to you about…something."

I hummed against him in response.

"It's kind of awkward," he admitted.

"Uh oh," I said quietly, too happy for serious discussion.

"Well, no," he said. "It's not bad, I don't think, just—I've been thinking about it."

"Okay," I said. "Shoot."

"Have you been thinking about what Leah said?" he asked, nearly whispering, as he leaned into me, like it was some kind of secret.

A lump caught in my throat, and I felt the air in the room change. We were humorless now. Jacob's face was hard and fearful, braced for my answer. I met his eyes hesitantly, considering. "I," I shrugged against him, "Yeah, I've thought about it. I can't not think about it, but it's not like I'm loosing sleep over it."

"Yeah," he said, nodding, and for a moment, a chill ran through me as I imagined that he was bringing it up, because my worst fears had come to pass—he'd done it. He'd imprinted. This was the end. "I've been thinking about it, too," he said. "I hate it."

I sighed. "Well, whatever. There's not much anyone can do about it; you know?"

He shook his head. "It's not going to happen. I know it won't."

"Right," I agreed half-heartedly. "I know."

He looked at me for a few long moments, and I gave him a timid smile. With a sigh, he put a piece of my hair behind my ear. "You're worried about it."

"No," I said.

"Bella," he said, carefully. "I've been with you for two years. I love you. And I know that people are supposed to, you know, be polite and say what they think people want to hear, but—"

"Jake," I said.

"No, really," he put a gentle hand up, "Just for tonight, in this room, can we do away with all the pretenses? It's just us in here. Let's just say it. All of it. Let's be painfully honest."

I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. _Honest. _Suddenly, all I could see was Edward Cullen's face. "Okay," I said meekly.

"Okay," he repeated encouragingly. "So, I mean, the imprinting thing…I'm kind of freaked out about it."

I sighed. "Yeah, I guess I am, too." I watched his face. He was working hard to keep it relatively blank, trying to discourage sympathetic dishonesty. "But, honestly," I assured him, "I don't think it's worth worrying about. There's nothing we can do. And it might not even be an issue."

"Yeah," he said. "It might not." Then, he sighed. "I just couldn't live with myself if I hurt you like that."

"It wouldn't really be your fault," I reminded him.

"Still," he said. "I couldn't imagine loving someone else as much as I love you."

I smiled tightly. Edward Cullen's face flashed again.

He was quiet for a few seconds. I watched the ceiling fan circle above us until I was a little bit dizzy, so I closed my eyes. He surprised be by saying, "I hate that you loved someone before me." It was fast and quiet and somber—a confession.

My body went numb for a second, before coldness settled in my chest; I had no response. I shrugged. "I'm sorry?" I said softly.

"No, don't apologize," he told me. "I just need you to know that. It—it really bothers me. I'm…I'm really insecure about that." I looked up at him, my mouth open a bit, as if I had anything to say. "And I don't know that you're exactly _done_ loving someone else."

I let out a tiny gasp at the accusation, and he bit his lip but nodded, encouraging himself. He continued, "I mean, don't get me wrong. I know you love me. I get that. And I know that you're with me and not him, but I just think there are some feelings left over, and I think we should able to talk about it, because we love each other, and we should discuss these kinds of things. It's healthy to have open lines of communication."

I shook my head. "You sound like Dr. Phil."

He kept his face stoic. "I may have done some research. And some rehearsing."

"Oh, God, Jake," I sat up, holding the sheet up to my chest and running a hand through my hair.

He followed me, sitting up next to me in the bed. "Just tell me, okay? I won't get angry. I won't get upset. Just talk to me."

I shook my head. "You want me to tell you about Edward Cullen?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Or," he amended, "How you feel about Edward Cullen."

I took a deep breath. I couldn't picture myself going through with it. I couldn't speak about Edward to Jacob. It would rip him apart. It would crush him to hear all the hidden thoughts and feelings I kept trying to push away.

"Please, Bella," he begged. "I need to know. I promise, however you feel, it will hurt less than what I'm imagining."

"Jacob," I sighed. "No," I said, "It's not what you think. It's just…God, I don't know how to do this."

"Just tell me," he said simply. "Don't sensor at all. Just say what you're thinking."

I closed my eyes and bit my lip. "Okay."

He exhaled. "Okay, go ahead."

"Um," I began, "I mean, Edward was…when I was with Edward, I…it was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. It was…for the first time, I felt like I really had a place in the world. I—I felt like I was at the exact right place and time—like I was destined, almost, to be right where I was—to be with him, to love him."

My breath caught with fear, but I kept my eyes closed. Jacob didn't say anything. "And I knew—or, I thought I knew, that this was my life. It _was_ my life. I mean; I'd never known anything so surely. It felt so right." I nodded slowly, remembering the feeling, so calming and assuring. "So then," I tried to explain, "When he left, it was like a death."

Tears surprised me, and I opened my eyes and looked to Jacob, who was sitting like a statue, eyes fixed on me and emotionless. "It felt like my whole life was over," I continued, whispering. "But, I think I'm realizing that people can have more than one life, you know? And that was just one life. And now I'm on another path, and that's okay."

Jacob said nothing.

"Does that make any sense?" I asked. "I mean, haven't you ever felt that way? Like you know with total certainty that the moment you're in is the right moment?"

He shrugged. "I guess," he said, "I guess I feel that way when I'm with you."

A rock fell into my stomach, as I realized he wanted me to reciprocate the sentiment. My mind was a mess with feeling, but I forced out a smile through my tears and nodded, "Yeah. Exactly." It sounded like a lie to my ears, but Jacob smiled at me. Maybe I was getting better at hiding my lies.

Jacob sighed. "Oh, Bells," he said. "I feel so much better."

"You do?" I asked. I felt a million times worse.

"Yeah," he said, reaching for me. I made minimal effort as he pulled me in and kissed me. He smiled through the kiss and gently pushed me down back onto the bed, moving on top of me. His body heat burned me, and his weight on top of me felt suffocating. I broke away and put my hands out, keeping him above me in a kind of pushup position. His eyes went wide. "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to…?"

I shook my head. "Yeah," I whispered. "I did, but," I sighed and gave a little yawn. "I'm kind of tired, now."

"Oh," he said and quickly rolled off of me, leaning on his elbow. "Okay, then. Sorry. I guess I ruined the mood."

"No," I said. "It's okay. I guess it was good we talked about that stuff."

"Yeah," he agreed. "You're okay, though, right?"

_No_, my mind screamed, and I felt like I might vomit. "Yeah, I'm fine," I told him. "I'm just tired."

"Good deal," he said and reached over and turned off the light. In the dark, we waited, listening to the hum of the ceiling fan go around. Again. Again. I felt short of breath. I closed my eyes, trying to block out all my thoughts. Jacob kissed my cheek lightly and whispered, "Good night, Bella. Happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary," I echoed dryly. The tears were returning slowly.

He gave a long breath. "All right," he whispered, "Just one more thing?"

I said nothing.

"I promise it'll be fast, and then you can sleep."

He couldn't see me crying, so I hoped that my voice sounded normal enough when I said, "Sure. What's up?"

"You don't still love him, right?" he asked sweetly, like he was asking a parent if Santa Claus is real.

I breathed in through my nose, and did what any good parent would do. "No, Jacob. Not anymore." I lied.

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AN: ...Review. Please?


	17. The Before Pile

Chapter Seventeen

AN: Hey, everyone. Sorry this took so long-there was a combination of not having internet access, starting a second job, and good old-fashioned procrastination going on, but here's the next chapter! Enjoy!

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"Yeah," I nodded, folding a t-shirt and using my shoulder to keep the phone to my ear. "I should be there sometime in the afternoon."

Kelsey sighed, "Ugh, my mom won't drive me until she's out of work. I'm not gonna get there until tomorrow night."

"That sucks," I said, "I'm sorry. But me and Rach will be there ready to welcome you when you get there."

She was quiet for a minute. "I'd feel very welcome if you two welcomed me with alcohol and attractive men."

I laughed. "Yeah, I'd talk to Rachael about that. I'm not gonna be much help on that front."

She groaned. "Four hours alone with my mother in a car, and you're not going to help me get drunk and have sex?"

"I'm a terrible friend," I said, rolling my eyes, "I know. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

"I suppose so," she said and sighed. "All right. It's late, and I haven't even started packing yet."

"Yeah," I agreed, surveying my open suitcases in front of me. "I'm just finishing up."

"Okay," she said. "I'll let you go, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Kels," I said.

She made a kissing noise into the phone, "Bye, love."

I closed my phone and put it down on my bedroom floor. The clothes I'd brought from school were all packed away. With a deep breath, I pulled one last t-shirt out of my open armoire drawer. It was black with a bright yellow lightning bolt in the center. Jacob had given it to me over the summer. His dad was making him clear out his closet and get rid of all the clothes he wasn't going to wear anymore. The t-shirt was one of many shirts in a pile Jacob had deemed, "The Before Pile."

With a small smile, I began to fold the sleeves in towards each other when a load thump from my window made me flinch and gasp. I put my hand to my mouth, not wanting to wake up Charlie and moved cautiously over to the window.

I had to squint to make out Jacob's form, balancing expertly on a branch just outside the glass. I smiled and opened the window. "Hey there, crazy kid. I know you want to get the most out of all your super-cool abilities, but it is all right to occasionally use the front door. I won't tell anyone, I swear."

His mouth was a straight line. "Hey, Bella."

"Hey," I smiled wider, "What's up?"

He paused then said, "Can I come in?"

I shrugged, "Sure," and moved back into the room, leaving him room to land. He jumped through the window expertly, landing right in front of me, solidly on both feet. His hair was damp, as it was raining outside as usual, and I could see the raindrops on his t-shirt. I looked up at him, still smiling. "This is a nice surprise." I reached out and wrapped my arms around his waist.

He exhaled. "Yeah," he said, "Why don't you sit down?"

I felt the switch in the air. Something wasn't right. I sat on the bed slowly. "Okay," I bit my lip, "What's wrong?"

"Um," he muttered, looking down at the floor and my open suitcases. "I'm not sure how to do this."

I shook my head. "Do what?"

He narrowed his eyes at the ground and his jaw tightened. "I've been talking a lot with the pack."

"Okay," I said hesitantly. "Why is—I mean, what does that mean? Don't you always talk a lot with the—"

"Listen," he said, putting a hand up. "This isn't easy for me, all right? This isn't something I really _want_ to do. This is something I have to do."

"I don't get it," I said, getting worried. "Is it Sam? Is he making you do something?"

"No," he said. "It's not Sam; it's…it's something I should have done a while ago."

"Jacob," I said slowly. "What's going on? It's all right. You can tell me."

"Bella," he said, pushing the words out. "I don't think we should be with each other anymore."

The moment froze forever, and my heart twisted with a familiar pain. My eyes blinked and my mouth formed around my voice, as it said, "No."

Jacob closed his eyes tight for a second then reopened them and found mine. "It's not right, Bella. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to you. And we've—we've been pretending—we've been pretending that this is right, but it's not. It's not right at all. We—we're not good together."

I shook my head. "We're perfect together. You're my best friend. Don't do this."

"Don't make this hard, Bella," he said.

"I'm going to make this _hard_," I demanded. "This isn't from you. I don't believe that. You love me. You don't want to do this."

"That's not true," he insisted.

"Like hell it's not!" I shot back. "They got to you; didn't they? What did they say? What did they tell you?"

"They told me I should stay with you!" he yelled back. "They told me you were perfect—that I was lucky to have you."

My mouth fell open and I stood. "Then what the hell, Jake? Why are you doing this?"

His face was stone. "You know why, Bella."

"What?" I nearly screamed. "What does that mean? I don't have any idea—!" His eyes narrowed, and I exhaled hard. "Nothing! Happened!"

He shook his head. "It's not about what happened," he said. "It's about you. It's about how you feel—about him."

"He's gone, Jake!" I threw my arms out. "He was gone for two years, and he's gone now!" His expression remained. "I picked _you_, Jacob! I want _you_!"

"No," he said quietly. "You didn't—I mean, you—it wasn't really you—it was—your _head_ picked me."

I stood before him, shaking my head and shrugging. "Well, I don't have any clue what that means."

He shook his head. "I think you do."

I closed my eyes and reached out to him. "Jacob, come on," I whispered, pulling myself in to him. "Don't do this. We love each other. We're the real thing." I looked up at him to a blank expression. "I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry that you feel—threatened or—I don't know, insecure, and I'll do whatever you want me to do to make you feel better! Please," I begged, "Let me try. You have to at least let me try to do better. Just please don't do this. Please, please, Jacob. Don't do this to me." I sobbed into his shoulder.

"All right, fine, Bella," he said, pushing me away and holding me at arm's length. "Tell me, then. Look at me in the eye, and tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you don't love him."

"I love _you_," I insisted.

"That's not what I asked," he said. "I need you to look me in the eye and tell me the truth," he demanded, "Because I don't think I've heard it for a while."

"What does that mean?" I shook my head.

"Tell me the truth, Bella," he said. "Everything. Or I'm leaving."

I breathed in carefully, trying to grip into every moment. "Okay. Fine. There was one kiss. One small, tiny kiss."

He let go of me angrily, and I took a step back, afraid he might phase. "He kissed you?" he asked.

I swallowed hard. He wanted honest. "Well…"

"Seriously!" his eyes went wide. "You kiss him and lie to me about it!"

"Because it didn't mean anything! I didn't want to hurt you!" I insisted.

He put a hand to his head. "God, Bella, you don't even realize it, do you?" He pointed to me then him. "This isn't right! You belong with _him_!"

"No, I don't!" I yelled. "I belong with you!"

"Bella," he sighed. "This isn't going to work. I can't compete with the love of your life. And I shouldn't have to. That's not right."

"He's not the—"

"Listen, Bella," he said quietly. "When you told me how you feel when you're with him—"

"That's not fair! You can't ask me to be honest and then break up with me when you don't like what I say!" I cried.

"Bella, stop! You see the rest of your life when you're with him. You feel destined to be with him, for God's sake!"

I closed my eyes and reached a hand out to him. I took hold of his arm and squeezed it. The heat of it made my palm moist. "Maybe I could feel that way with you," I whispered, desperate. "Maybe if you let me try."

"Bella," he pulled me close and kissed my forehead. "We've been trying for two years. I'm sorry."

"Don't do this," I murmured. "Don't do this, Jacob. Please, don't."

"You'll be happy with him, Bella," he said. "And maybe someday, I'll imprint or something, and we'll both be happy." He waited for a response. I couldn't say anything. "It's better this way, Bells." He ran a hand through my hair. "If you want to talk, you can call. If not, I'll understand. I'm gonna go now."

I gripped into him, but he easily uncurled my fingers and pushed me gently away. He was a blur in front of me as he leaped out the window and ran away from the house. I wiped my tears away quickly in time to catch a glimpse of his red-brown tail disappearing in between the trees.

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AN: Oh, reviews, how I love them so! Also, I'd love to hear what you'd all like to happen next/what you think will happen next/etc. I sort of have it planned out, but I'm really interested to know what you think! Thanks!


	18. Grudges

AN: Wow. It has been way way way too long since I've updated here. I'm so sorry. Life has just gotten in the way, but thank you so much for sticking with the story! Again, so so sorry!

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"I'll kill him," Charlie said sharply.

I sighed. "No, you won't."

He shook his head, glaring at the road before him. "That's what you two were yelling about last night?"

"You heard that?" I blushed.

"Of course I heard it, Bell," he said, shrugging. "It sounded like it was getting pretty heated."

"It did," I said. "But I'm sorry we woke you."

"That's okay," he assured me. "I wasn't sure if I should've stepped in or not."

"No, no," I told him. "I can handle Jacob on my own."

"Yeah, I figured," he said before shaking his head. "I just don't understand. What happened?"

"He said he wanted to break up," I said and shrugged.

"Just like that."

"Pretty much," I said.

He grunted and pursed his lips. "Seems kind of out of the blue, doesn't it? I thought you two were getting along great."

I exhaled. "I thought so, too."

He sighed. "Does Billy know about this?"

"I don't know," I said, "I guess."

"'I'll talk to Billy about this," he decided. "We'll get some sense into that boy's head."

"No," I said. "Don't say anything to Billy, please. Or to Jacob, for that matter. It's done. I don't want to rehash it." It had been nearly impossible for me to get to sleep the night before. I'd sat up, running scenarios through my head. At first, I thought only of ways to get Jacob back. First, simple things, like driving down to La Push and kissing him, and then, more dramatic things, like dropping out of school and proposing—birthing puppies and baking muffins with Emily—living a life with him. But it all felt forced, and I kept seeing Jacob's face as it had been right before he left—cold, hard, unflinchingly against staying with me.

"Okay," Charlie said, hesitant. "If you're sure, but, Bells, I don't want you going through what you went through when…" he looked to me for a second and then back to the road. "You know, before."

I sighed and bit my lip. "Yeah." I shook my head. "It's okay, Dad. You don't have to worry about that this time. I'm okay."

He continued to stare down the road. "No guy is worth that, Bella. We're not all that great, even the ones who seem pretty good, like Jake."

I smiled a little. "This really isn't a strike against Jake, Dad. I'm not upset with him."

"You sounded upset with him," he countered.

"Yeah," I sighed, "I guess I was last night, but I've thought it through, and it's not the end of the world. Really. I'm all right."

He smiled and sighed. "Oh, Bell, I gotta tell you; it is nice to hear you say that. I just—I don't think I—you just should never have gone through that to begin with, and I don't think I could take seeing you go through that again."

"You won't have to," I assured him.

"You'll understand when you're older and have kids of your own," he told me. "There's nothing that hurts more than watching your kid in pain. Nothing. Especially when there's nothing you can do to help them."

The familiar feeling of guilt and gratitude washed through me, and I smiled over at him. "You did help. A lot. Just by being there."

"Sure, sure," he muttered, before he had time to think about it. Then, with a wide-eyed expression of horror that I had never seen my father produce before, he looked over to me to see if I'd caught the significance. I shrugged and shook my head, trying to let him know that it was not a big deal. He still cringed. "Sorry. He's just been around for a while now."

"I know," I said.

He nodded a few times. "Did you tell your friends yet?"

"No," I said. "I'm sure it'll come up, though. They know it was our anniversary."

He was quiet for a moment before he said, "They're good friends, right? They'll be supportive and all?"

I laughed. "Yes, Dad. They're excellent friends, and they'll be entirely supportive." My mind wavered a bit when I thought of Rachael. "Probably."

"Probably?" Charlie sounded gruff.

"I," I sighed, "One of them has sort of shown a tendency to agree with Jacob about some things."

"Not about this," he decided. "She can't." I gave a weak smile in his direction. He narrowed his eyes. "Unless there's something I don't know."

"It's really not important," I insisted. "This was nothing other than Jacob's decision."

"Right," he said. "Okay."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and the air began to feel heavy between us. My chest tightened, and I braced myself for his reaction before saying, "He was jealous."

"Jacob was," he said, clarifying. "Why? What's there to be jealous of?"

My teeth clenched as I inhaled. "Uh," I said. "Well, nothing really."

Charlie shook his head. "I don't get it."

"Okay, just don't, you know, overreact, all right?" I asked.

"I'm as cool as a cucumber," he assured me.

"I may have recently spoken to Edward," I admitted, but then shook my head, "But I told him he should leave, because I was with Jake. He had no reason to be upset about it…"

He took a long breath. "Edward, huh?"

I shook my head. "Really," I insisted. "Don't worry about it. It's been two years. I'm not going to turn into scary, zombie Bella again. Not ever. I promise."

"Still," he said, "I'm not sure I like the idea of you seeing that boy again. He was never any good for you."

I crossed my arms. "What does that mean?"

"You were way too attached, Bells. I don't know what he did to you, exactly, but I didn't like it," he said.

"That's not true," I countered. "Before he left, you liked Edward."

"I _tolerated_ Edward."

"No," I demanded. "You _liked_ him. You watched baseball with him. You defended him and his family when I asked about them."

"Well, that was before," he grumbled.

"Dad," I sighed. "There really wasn't much Edward could do about that. I mean, his family was moving, you know? What was he supposed to do? Take me with them?" I had been the worst secret keeper ever when the Cullens had left; I had not reacted at all as if the family had simply moved away and brought Edward with them, so I felt that now that the funk was over, I owed it to them to remind others of the lie.

"He broke up with you," Charlie reminded me. "He didn't have to do that."

"No," I said, "But he apologized for that, so I really have no reason to be upset with him, and neither do you."

He shook his head. "I can't forgive him, Bella, no matter how logical it seems to you. He crushed you. Whether he meant to or not—whether he's sorry or not. He didn't have to break your heart like that."

"Jacob broke up with me," I said, shrugging.

"Well, I'm not all too pleased with him either at the moment."

"Dad, that's silly," I said. "Billy's your best friend. You've known Jacob his whole life. You shouldn't hold grudges like that. It's not good for you."

"Hmm," he looked over at me then back at the road. "So what you're saying is that you're not holding a grudge against the Cullen kid, so I shouldn't hold one against Jake."

I shrugged. "I guess, yeah."

He nodded slowly. "You still like him?"

"Jacob?" I asked.

"Edward," he said, his voice hard around the sound.

I bit my lip and narrowed my eyes. "Maybe a little."

He let out a heavy sigh. "Oh, Bells. Please, be careful. Please. I know he's an attractive guy or whatever, and he's got a lot of money—"

"Dad, you know that has nothing to do with it," I insisted, slightly insulted.

"Okay," he said. "Just please, Bella. Don't get hurt. If you're going to see him, keep your guard up. All right?"

A flicker of white caught my eye outside the window, like a white dash drawn through the woods, but when I turned to see it, it was gone. My heart spontaneously quickened as it occurred to me that it could have been Edward, racing along beside the car.

Charlie cleared his throat. "Please, Bell. Just tell me you'll be careful."

I kept looking out the window. "I'll be careful. I'm always careful."

He huffed and cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah, I'll bet your ankle feels different."

With a glare to the aforementioned ankle, I sighed. "I'm uncoordinated, not un-careful."

"Uh huh," he smiled, and we lapsed into quiet.

Suddenly, the shock of impact flooded through me like an acid shot in my throat. Charlie cursed loudly as he fought the car for control of the steering wheel. My head jolted forward, pulling my neck, and my hands reached out to the dashboard to brace my fall. The car behind us honked furiously as it passed.

I blinked frenetically, trying to make sense of what had happened. Charlie shook his head, muttering angrily, as he swerved the car on to the side of the road. It took me a few moments to comprehend. Something had hit us. I'd felt it like a push on the side of the car, but I hadn't seen anything.

Once we were parked on the side on the highway, Charlie tore off his seatbelt and threw open his door, moving around to the passenger side to survey the damage. I breathed slowly, a hand on my chest. My heart was franticly pounding. Charlie shook his head and then came up to my window. I swallowed hard and brought it down. "Well, that was bracing. You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I said. "What was that?"

"Probably a deer or something," he guessed with a shrug, "Left a nice-size dent, though."

"A deer?" I breathed. "A deer ran into the car?"

"Looks like it," he said.

I shook my head. "A deer ran into a moving car, dented it, and then ran away?"

Charlie put his hands on his hips. "I guess it could have been something else. Something tougher." A chill ran through me, and I stared at Charlie. Something tougher. He sighed, "Well, either way, I think the car's still driveable. No use standing around here staring at it."

"Yeah, I guess," I said uneasily.

Charlie gave me a half smile. "Really, Bells, it's all right. Take a breath. It was just a lost animal, okay? No one's out to get you."

I blinked slowly before making myself smile and nod to him. "Right, of course. Let's get going then. You're right."

The car drove without any trouble, but I could see the dent in the side view mirror. My heart continued to pound as I stared at it. It was a large dent, round and smooth, as if it was made with a large stone. I did not panic, though, until I noticed just above the dent, the faintest imprint of a hand.

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AN: Review?


	19. Silly Girl

AN: Oh, wow. It's been a while. Thank you so much for staying with the story. This chapter was really difficult for me to write—I had a hard time making it sound right. Hope you like it! Enjoy!

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"It's terrifying," a girl said.

Jack nodded. "Yes, it certainly is. And disturbing and horrible…and unfair. Doesn't it seem unfair? Connie hasn't done anything wrong, and yet she is targeted by this man."

"Well," a boy named Sean said, "She's kind of annoying." He shrugged. "And vain."

The girl shook her head. "She's young. She doesn't know any better."

"And she's a tease," another boy said.

"So she deserves to die?" the girl countered.

"Now, now," Jack put up his hands. "We don't know for certain that Connie dies."

"But—" the girl protested, as her eyes grew wide.

"But I hear you, Danielle," Jack assuaged her. "Connie's flaws, at least to me, seem to be forgivable, and certainly not grounds for this kind of reciprocation. So then what are we to take away from this story?"

"Life is unfair," Danielle shrugged. "And terrible things will happen to people that don't deserve them?"

I was paralyzed. My throat was swollen and my breathing tense. We were discussing Joyce Carol Oates's _Where Are You Going?; Where Have You Been?_, but it felt like they were all talking about me, like they were all looking at me, and analyzing my actions as if I wasn't real.

I hadn't told anyone about the handprint in the car's side. Charlie had not seemed to notice it, and I didn't want to freak him out when I knew there wasn't much he could do about it. I was a nervous wreck, though. A handprint meant that the incident was most likely intentional…or at the very least, it meant that someone with supernatural strength had pushed against the car for some reason.

Keeping up with the discussion in class was difficult, as I had not slept much the night before. I had been wracking my brain thinking of vampires who held grudges against me. I knew Jacob and his pack had taken care of Laurent and then later, Victoria, and I did not know of any other vampires who would want my father and me dead.

"Well," Jack estimated, "I suppose that's part of it, but I'd also like to consider the ending. Does Connie, as the protagonist, take any kind of journey in the story? Does she transform at all?"

Sean blew a stream of air through his pursed lips. "I guess she surrenders, right? She gives up."

"You could put it that way," Jack said.

"No," Danielle argued. "She sacrifices herself for her family. She could have just stayed inside and waited for her family to get home, but she didn't."

"That's true," Jack said. "There is some kind of hero-arch going on there."

Aaron, in the back of the room, shook his head. "I don't think that's the point, though."

"No?" Jack tilted his head.

"No," Aaron said. "It's about Arnold Friend. It has to be. Connie is too bland and normal. She's the stereotypical vapid, egotistical teenage girl. She's not the point. The point has to be about this creep of a guy."

"How so?" Jack asked.

"Well, he's just completely random. He's a villain with no other purpose. He's just evil," he said.

"Do villains have to have a purpose?" Danielle asked. "I mean, can't some people just be bad people?"

Aaron shrugged. "Even bad people have reasons for doing the things they do."

_The reason._ That was all I had to figure out. What reason could a vampire have to want me dead? And why kill me on a highway? Why not lure me into a back alley somewhere and…?

"All right," Jack considered. "So let's think about it from Arnold Friend's perspective. What is his goal here?"

"To get her in his car," Danielle said.

"To hurt her," Sean said at the same time.

"Maybe it's bigger than that," Jack supposed.

"Yeah," Aaron agreed. "I think he wanted to prove something—to make an example out of this girl."

Jack light up. "To scare people?"

"To scare girls," Aaron specified. "To show them that they can't behave the way they are. I think he, in his own way, is trying to bring about morality."

"What?" Danielle squinted.

"Well, Aaron does have a point," Jack said. "Arnold does abide by this own set of rules for himself, doesn't he?"

Danielle looked disgusted. "I guess."

"So maybe he just wants to establish hard and fast rules," Jack said, "For everyone."

That night, I sat tirelessly with a book open in my lap. Kelsey and Rachael had gone to bed hours ago, but I could not calm down my heart and breathing enough for sleep. I watched the minutes go by—2:33, 2:34, 2:35—I sat up on my bed.

I nearly screamed when a gust of wind blew by my window. Close to tears, I paced back and forth, lost and frustrated. I was helpless, like Connie, standing merely feet away from danger and unable to do anything to make it go away.

In a rush of desperation, I went to the window and opened it. The night air was cold against my skin as my throat caught with fear. My head rushed with memories of safety—wrapped in the arms of someone, held protected. When my eyes filled with tears, I looked up at the sky, heaving heavy breaths and sending something akin to a prayer up to whoever or whatever ran the universe. The wind picked up again, and I cursed and shut the window quickly.

Backing away, I stared at the glass as moments ticked by. My eyelids were heavy and fought against my racing brain. I hurried into my bed and breathed.

I curled my whole body in on itself to try and assuage my nausea. The whole room was spinning around me as my paranoia took hold of my mind. Every gust of wind, every creak, every footstep, I was sure was someone coming to kill me.

I kept watching the clock—2:46, 2:47, 2:48—by 2:49, my eyes had closed, and my mind was dreaming.

"Bella," Charlie was saying. He looked young; all his grays were gone, and his smile was bright and cheerful. "Don't forget your coat. It's cold out there."

I nodded. We were in the house in Forks, upstairs in the hallway, near the bathroom. Hearing the wood floors creak under my feet, I sprinted downstairs to the coat-rack to grab my old, brown pea-coat.

"Here," Edward said, standing by the door. We smiled at each other. He held a long, black cape in out to me. "Allow me."

I had barely nodded and the cape was tied across my chest. It was cold and silky on my skin as I pet the fabric. Edward chuckled softly, and he pulled the cape's black hood over my hair. I took his hand in mine. "Are we ready?"

He nodded. "We are—if you're certain you want to do this. You don't have to. You could stay here, inside, if you want. We don't have to go out there."

I shook my head. "I _want_ to."

He smiled and rolled his eyes. "Silly girl."

"Come on!" I said, pulling him out the front door.

Outside, Edward was shining in the sun more brightly than I'd ever seen before. We stopped on the driveway, and I smiled when I saw Jacob approaching. Edward leaned down to me. "Everything will be fine."

"I know," I said.

Jacob wore black pinstripe pants and a crème button down with a red tie. He smiled tightly when he saw us, and said, "Everyone's ready for you."

Edward said, "Good." He took his free hand and placed it securely on my mouth.

Jacob folded his hands and gave him a nod.

He kept his hand firm when I started to struggle. He pressed harder down when I tried to pull his hand away. I tried to scream, which earned me an exasperated sigh from Jacob. Edward pulled me close to him, holding me against him with one arm and suffocating me with the other. My eyes closed in desperation, and he whispered in my ear. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

My alarm clock screamed, and my eyes shot open. The digital clock now read 8:45. I sighed, my head sinking deeper into my pillow. I had survived the night.

Shaking my head, I sat up and rubbed my eyes, trying to forget my dream.

"Bella?"

I looked up to see Edward Cullen sitting calmly at my desk with a smirk across his stone cold face.

And I screamed.

* * *

AN: Review review review! (I promise the next update will be faster, and, again, thanks for sticking with it!)


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